A guest post by Rabbi Aaron Fink (my father), Dean of Ateres Bais Yaakov on Monsey NY. Part of a weekly Dvar Torah (Torah “Thought”) series.

Chessed L’Avraham

The beginning of Parshas Vayera describes the hospitality uniquely associated with the home of Avraham Avinu and Sarah Imeinu. The psukim are filled with practical lessons in the “how to’s” of Chessed. The entire scenario with the malachim visiting Avraham as he recovers is inspiring.

One phrase in the story, v’hu omeid aleohem tachas haeitz vayocheilu encapsulates the art of being a ba’al chessed, a master of Chessed, teaching us how to give and how to receive. We learn that despite the pain of having just undergone a bris milah, Avraham, together with his wife prepared a feast for strangers. They not only presented each of them with a meal fit for a king, but personally waited on them, trying to fulfill their every desire.

Chazal derive a valuable perspective on the middah of chessed from this posuk. Kindness is also measured by the way in which it is performed. Surely, after Avraham presented this abundant feast, he could have gone back to his study and gone about his own business. He could have sent Yishmael, Eliezer or one of his other servants, to tend to his guests. This, however, may have been construed by the visitors as a lack of interest in their welfare. Avraham Avinu wanted them to know that at this point in time their needs were his most important and pressing concern. Acts of chessed are not enough. They must be combined with an attitude of chessed and a sensitivity to the feelings of others. Avraham’s sensitivity benefited us all. The personal involvement of Avraham in providing food, water and a doting interest in the welfare of his guests was reflected back to Klal Yisrael, midah kineged midah, in the form of the mon, be’er and annanei hakavod!

There is an art too, of being a recipient of chessed. This same posuk tells us that as the angels were presented a magnificent feast, vayocheilu,, and they (the angels) ate. Rashi quotes the Gemarah, which tells us that the angels made themselves appear to be eating like humans, in following with the precept of lo yishaneh adam min haminhag – a person should not deviate from the accepted practice. It is important to learn how to accept kindness from others in a manner that does not affect the sensitivities of the giver. Imagine how disappointed and offended Avraham and Sarah could have been if their guests, after all their work, would have said: “No thanks! We’re not hungry!” Hashem’s messengers model for us the role of “recipients of kindness.” Chessed is a two-way street. The giver has to know how to give, the recipient, how to receive, with each one concerned about the sensitivities of the other.

Still despite all the wonderful expressions of kindness modeled by Avraham Avinu, we cannot help but wonder why he is considered and designated as the Av, the father of chessed. After all, he was not alone in being a giving, caring and helpful person. Even Lot displayed a magnanimous nature and risked his very life when he greeted the malachim that came his way. So many personalities in Tanach are filled with goodness. What is it about Avraham that defined him as the Av of Chessed?

My father, Harav Berel Fink z”l, used to point out, that while it is true that there are many personalities throughout the Torah who were giants of chessed – when the need was there, only Avraham Avinu was a mitztaeir when he could not do chessed. Suffering pain when he was unable to be kind, that is what set Avraham apart as the model for us to strive to emulate. It is not enough to be reactive to need, we must be proactive in our chessed pursuits. So much so that it hurts when we cannot help!

There is so much each of us can do as we know, mirubim tzarchei amcha. We, too, must be so concerned and devoted to our fellow Jew that it hurts not to help whenever and wherever we can.

Related posts:

1. It’s All A Gift | A Guest Post
2. Abraham As A Role Model For Making Choices | A Guest Post
3. Defining Greatness | A Guest Post
4. God is With You | A Guest Post
5. Heralding the Unheralded | A Guest Post