Pacific Jewish Center | Rabbi » happiness

Pre-Purim Class 2011

rabbifink — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 05:04:53 +0000

In preparation of Purim I taught a Pre-Purim class.

We did a quick review of the Purim story and the laws and customs associated with Purim. Then I taught a very important Purim lesson about happiness.

The first part of the class is very basic and for beginners. The second part of the class is more advanced and more a all audiences. (Second part begins at 20:50)

Enjoy.

Audio is below.

All audio classes are available by clicking podcasts on the top of this page. Or just click here.

You can also subscribe to all classes in iTunes by clicking here.

A Great Lesson From The Happiest Place on Earth

rabbifink — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 18:15:53 +0000

I confess.

I love Disneyland. I love going for myself and I love going to experience all the fun with my family. My older son loves the “scary rides” and I cherish our moments together as we free fall through the park. My younger son loves Mickey and Minnie, Goofy and Donald, Winnie the Pooh and Tigger and seeing his face light up when he gets to meet them, give them a hug and take a picture is precious.

Disneyland claims that they are the happiest place on earth.

This is an easily falsifiable claim that many angry parents and misbehaving children can easily contest. But for me and my family, Disneyland is a very happy place to be. I won’t go so far as to say “the happiest place on earth”. We try to make that our home. But we will let Disneyland get away with a little hyperbole.

Even if Disneyland is on the actual factual happiest place on earth they do have a great lesson in happiness to share. One of the more popular rides at Disneyland and Walt Disney World in Florida is Splash Mountain. The ride tells the story of Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear who try to capture a certain Br’er Rabbit. Your ride takes you on a log through their chase and the rabbit’s escape ending with a 52 foot drop where you are likely to get wet. Last week it was 80 degrees in Disneyland. So getting wet was a welcome development for my son and I as we screamed our way down the 52 feet (twice).

While you are waiting on line for the time of your life (FYI: always FastPass Splash Mountain), there are some signs along the route that help pass the time. This is my favorite:

For the blurrycam reading impaired: “Everyone’s got a laughin’ place – trouble is most folks won’t take the time to go look for it. And where it is for one, mightn’t be for another.”

This is the truth. We can all find happiness somewhere, in something. But most of us are too busy to find it. It’s so much easier to complain about our unhappiness than to actually do the work to find what does make us happy.

And when we do find it, we think it should be the same place for everybody else…

Take Disney’s advice. After all they are the experts on happiness… Find your laughin’ place. Enjoy life. Help others enjoy life. And stop complaining about not being happy. It’s up to you to find your own happiness.

Oh and for the record, Space Mountain is the best ride in Disneyland.

Be Positive | Dvar Torah B’shalach 2011

rabbifink — Fri, 14 Jan 2011 16:50:04 +0000

Parshas Beshalach is a roller coaster. Each time the Israelites are saved from a dire situation a new challenge immediately crops up. They escape Egypt. But the Egyptian army is in hot pursuit. The Sea opens for them to cross. But the Egpytians follow. The Egyptians are killed in the crashing waters. But the Israelite have nothing to eat. The entire parsha follows this format.

Beware, it is not for the faint of heart.

Some of the Israelites’ problems were in their own minds and were of their own doing. They had a complaining problem. They complained a lot. Before they were saved at the sea, they exclaimed “are there no graves in Egypt that you had to bring us to the desert so that we should die?!” After they were saved they had no water to drink, so they complained. Once their thirst was quenched, they were hungry. They kvetched to Moshe and Aharon, pining for the fleshpots of Egypt. Throughout the parsha there are even more examples of seemingly immature, shortsighted complaints.

Perhaps the most egregious of these complaints found in the Torah was the response of the Israelites to the manna. The manna was food from heaven that tasted delicious. It was truly a perfect food. Somehow the Israelites found fault in the manna as well. Rashi, in the Book of Numbers (11:7) tells us that despite its perfection, the Israelites managed to complain about the manna.

The Midrash mentions an even more absurd complaint lodged by the Israelites. A verse in Psalms (106:7) implies that there were two rebellions just before the sea split. The first rebellion was that no one was willing to trek into the water until the water split following the lead of the leaders of the tribe of Judah. The second rebellion was when the Israelites complained about the muddy terrain they traversed as they crossed the Sea of Reeds.

They complained that the ground was muddy! It boggles the mind. How could someone whose life is being saved have the audacity to complain about the muddy ground?! Obviously it was muddy! Where water meets earth, there is mud! As they are experiencing the miracle upon which we base our relationship with God, they are complaining that their feet are getting muddy. Incredible! What is the explanation for this?

The Kotzker Rebbe tells us the answer. When the Israelites complained about the bitter water, the Torah tells us: “They came to Marah, but they could not drink the waters of Marah because they [the waters] were bitter, (ki marim hem). Therefore they named it Marah” (15:23). The Kotzker says that the words ki marim hem, “because they were bitter”, may refer to the people and not the water. Rendering the verse, “because the people were bitter”. They were broken from years of slavery and they were bitter. They complained about everything. But their complaints were not because they had legitimate gripes. They did not. They complained because they were bitter and bitter people complain even when they have nothing about which to complain.

Optimism is important. We cannot allow ourselves to “become bitter”. It’s uncomfortable for others around us and it makes it difficult for us to enjoy life. We have so much for which to be thankful. We need to look at the world though the lens of hope and positivity and not the lens of bitterness.

The Israelites in the desert were rescued from the most difficult of situations. They were slaves whose lives were made so bitter that we remember their bitter lives with maror at our Pesach Seder every year. And then they were saved. We live a charmed life by comparison. Let’s enjoy it. Let’s try to banish bitterness from our lives. If we are positive and optimistic we will live a life we are proud to share with others.

A Beautiful New Year’s Resolution Turned Into a Book

rabbifink — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 08:01:47 +0000

A friend posted this on her Facebook page.

It deserves to be shared.

In 2007, a lawyer named John Kralik had a tough year. To begin 2008 he resolved to write hand-written thank you notes to anyone who gave him a Christmas gift. He wrote one personal note per day. After that he continued by writing personal thank you notes to anyone who deserved appreciation. People like his barista, son, co-workers and anyone else he could think to thank. He wrote one note every single day for the entire year.

An important part of Kralik’s plan was to write the notes, as opposed to sending emails. He felt that the personal touch of hand writing as well as permanence of the paper notes was key. Emails are like noise. They are read, deleted or archived and never seen again. However, people do save real notes and they continue to impact their recipient long after the note has been written.

The project has been turned into a book.

I may pick up a copy. If you want to check out the book click here.

Kralik is onto something. Recognizing and appreciating everything and everyone in one’s life is a strong step toward happiness. In Ethics of our Fathers, our sages teach us “Who is happy? He who is satisfied with his lot”. The idea is simple really. When one is happy with what one has, one can find happiness. But so long as one does not appreciate what one has, how can they be happy?

I wish I had the fortitude to do what Kralik has done. Maybe one day.

In the meantime, I guess it would be prudent to pay extra attention to those who deserves our appreciation.

To start with, thank you Cassie for linking this article on your Facebook page!

Link: NPR

To Serve With Song | A Guest Post

rabbifink — Fri, 28 May 2010 18:54:51 +0000

A guest post by Rabbi Aaron Fink (my father), Dean of Ateres Bais Yaakov in Monsey NY. Part of a weekly Dvar Torah (Torah “Thought”) series.

Parsha Beha’aloscha

Nisunim Nisunim

For three weeks we have been learning of the uniqueness, responsibility and leadership expected from the tribe of Yaakov and Leah’s third son, shevet Levi. The Rambam explains their role in his famous words which conclude hilchos shmitta v’yoveil and teaches us that shevet Levi is huvdal la’avod es Hashem l’sharso . . . as cheil Hashem. Moreover, the Rambam continues not only is shevet Levi so designated but any Yid, who wishes to devote his life to the total service of the Ribbono Shel Olam, is considered an honorary member of shevet Levi as well.

While parshiyos Bamidbar and Naso introduced us to the Levites role and their special tasks of the nosei haMishkan, Bahaaloscha defines their ascent to distinction. Though a Levi is accorded the rights to maaser and the second aliya by virtue of his birth it is only as a result of the ceremony described at the beginning of this week’s parsha that their role is defined for eternity. It is a ritual worth studying. First they were purified. Indeed the prerequisite quality of leadership is tahara. Corruption has no place at the helm and must be eradicated from the start. Next is a korban. Personal sacrifice and selflessness for the Ribbono Shel Olam and for the klal is the mantra of every Levite’s life. Ultimately the final act of consecration is hanafah – the waving of each Levi as if he were the arbah minim. This protocol directs the Levi to focus his spiritual energies on each and every one of the six sides – north, east, west, south, top and bottom of our three dimensional world. Finally, he is ready for the task ahead. This entire ceremony leads up to shevet Levi’s Torah ordained role. Not just to be the distinctive spiritual shevet of Klal Yisrael but to be nisunim nisunim mitoch Bnei Yisrael.

Rashi quotes Chazal and explains that the phrase nisunim nisunim means nisunim l’masah nisunmin lashir, selected for burdens and selected for song. What defines a Levi? It is his ability to carry the spiritual load of Am Yisrael and to do it with song. To manage responsibility with joy! This defines the quintessential role of the Levi and is a model for us all. Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha is not just a catch phrase. It is to be a way of life.

The Netziv notes that the hanafah portion of the ceremony is done twice. Once before and once after the korban, Why? The first hanafah was to wave their hearts towards the darchei Hashem the second was to focus their mind to Yedias Hashem. These two ingredients heart and mind, feelings and intellect are critical for the Levi to achieve his mission. One cannot reach the madreiga of nisunuin nisunim without them. First is a feeling heart corresponding to nisunim limasah. Indeed, it is the nisinas halev, the love we have for the Ribbono Shel Olam that helps one tolerate the ol mitzvos. Nevertheless, with all the heart in the world, it will remain a burden, which risks being cast aside, unless there is also an intellectual understanding of the important job being done. One needs limud, and yideas haTorah to enable the song of simcha to burst forth. True joy is not found in emotion alone. It must be combined with deep and penetrating knowledge. This is a valuable message to heed. In many ways we all carry the distinct banner of “shevet Levi” as His beacons of Torah living. We must strive to be nisunim nisunim – responsible and happy in the great role we have been gifted.

The Sweet Smell of Simcha | A Guest Post

rabbifink — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 06:24:26 +0000

A guest post by Rabbi Aaron Fink (my father), Dean of Ateres Bais Yaakov in Monsey NY. Part of a weekly Dvar Torah (Torah “Thought”) series.

Parshas Titzaveh – Parshas Zachor

Pitom Hakitores

The Mizbeach Hazahav is mentioned in this week’s parsha as the final utensil Hashem Yisborach instructed Klal Yisrael to fashion for the Mishkan. Upon it, B’nai Yisrael offered the Ketores, the fragrant incense offering. Seemingly, the Mizbeach should have been sequenced along with the other keilim in Parshas Trumah. With its, zer zahav, golden crown, corresponding to the kesser kehuna, it naturally belongs together with the Aron and the Shulchan. Chazal wonder why this tzivui is saved for last. What lesson are we being taught?

Mifarshim explain that it should be no wonder that the Mizbeach Haketores is saved for the end; after all, it represents the climax of our avodah. Its sweet aroma offered on high, expresses the ultimate accomplishment of our Yiddishe Neshama. In fact, Chazal darshan in sefer Shir Hashirim, that the Chanukas Hamishkan could not take place until the ketores was finally offered. In addtion, so vital is the Ketores that it was the focus of a significant portion of the Yom Kippur avodah once a year.

So what is the significance of the Ketores? The Midrash Tanchuma points out that, Hakadosh Baruch Hu, kivayavhol, exclaims, “No korban is more precious to Me than the Ketores. All other korbanos are needed by Klal Yisrael for kaporah. The Ketores, however, does not atone for sin or for any other personal need. Its only purpose is Simcha!” Yes, it is Simcha – true joy in our avodas Hashem, that is the penultimate ambition yielded by our avodah each day. That is the tachlis of the Aron, Menorah, Shulchan and Mizbeach in accessing new heights in connecting with the Shechina. Today, mirroring the avodah in the Mishkan, we study the Torah Shebichsav (Aron), shteig in Torah sh’baal peh (menorah) and sanctify our material surroundings (shulchan). We offer Hashem Yisborach our avodah sheb’lev, Tefilah, in place of the korbanos sacrificed on the Mizbeach. But those all have to be followed up with our own “Ketores,” the simchas hachayim we project and that we offer to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. That is the sweet fragrant aroma of living the Torahdike life we are expected to follow. The greater our joy in bringing Hakadosh Baruch Hu pride in us, the more significant our avoda will be. Living a life b’simcha  seems a simple prescription but it can require a lifetime of work. Nevertheless, without it we could not have consecrated the Mishkan then, nor can we hope to build the Bais Hamikdash today.

Perhaps this is why Purim is the final chag of our year. Before entering Nissan, the chodesh hageula, we desire to demonstrate our desire to grow in internalizing and projecting the simchas hachayim which helps lead to our redemption. Amalek, the ultimate cynic, finds no joy in our happiness as he tries to infect us with lethargy and negativity toward serving Hakadosh Baruch Hu. With the true simcha of Purim we can vanquish the Amalek both within and without and strengthen our kesher with Hashem Yisborach. Ending the year with that joyful high of being His chosen people is the best preparation for that Day of Days to come. May our ketores of simcha , be received and offered once more, bimhara b’yameinu.

Happiness is a Preservative | A Guest Post

rabbifink — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 00:12:59 +0000

A guest post by Rabbi Aaron Fink (my father), Dean of Ateres Bais Yaakov in Monsey NY. Part of a weekly Dvar Torah (Torah “Thought”) series.

Parshas Teruamah

Keeping it Fresh

Parshas Terumah is filled with the beauty and grandeur of the mishkan v’keilav. The home for the Shechina was to be built of the finest materials in a precise manner outlined by the prasha. The detail of its construction is not simply a description of early Israelite architecture. It is not even just a model of how a house of prayer should be designed. It is much, much more. Chazal find overt and subtle messages from each and every nuance of the design. The various materials, ingots of gold, silver, bronze, brass and copper, the fine fabrics, linens wools and multi-filament threads and collection of precious stones used in the construction, all tell a story. Each guides us to reach ever higher in our avodas Hashem. Brought together as the Mishkan, they served as the focal point of our avoda then and now. Each are worthy of intense study. One timeless message Chazal teach us from the Shulchan is worth visiting.

We are taught that the Shulchan. adorned with it’s zeir zahav, is representative of the keser malchus. Klal Yisrael’s Royal Table was filled with the 12 loaves of the lechem hapanim prominently featured opposite the menorah. The sefarim explain that all of our physical sustenance emanates from on High to us through the Shulchan. We are taught that its presence in the Kodesh is to remind us that we are to sanctify the olam hagashmi gifted to us by Hakaodsh Baruch Hu by transforming it into davar ruchani. We do so by making brachos and devoting our earthly pursuits to spiritual quests. Doing so enables us to achieve the supernatural represented by those very breads which never staled even after being displayed for a week, despite the lack of preservatives! We too, are taught to follow the model of the Shulchan and keep our avodas Hashem fresh and vibrant week in and week out. Indeed our service of the Ribbono Shel Olam show never become stale!

But there is more.

The Zohar when discussng the Shulchan and its parallel place in our universe explains that the table which finds favor in the eyes of the Ribbono Shel Olam is the table which is set with Simcha! It is through our simcha that Hashem Yisborach showers His bountiful blessings on us all. How much blessing we receive, is reflective of how much simcha we have in our kiyum hamitzvos and limud haTorah. Amazingly, simcha is the magical ingredient that kept our Avodah and the lechem hapanim fresh 24/7. This yesod is codified by the Rambam at the end of Hilchos Teshuva (9:1) as he explains that schar mitzvah bhai almha lekah. Nevertheless, as a reflection of the simcha we have in doing the ratzon Hashem we are gifted all of His bountiful blessings of prosperity, shalom, shalvah and inner peace to be enabled to do even more of His will. Thus the physical rewards we earn are but further opportunities we have to earn even more schar through greater, easier and joyful kiyum hamitzvos. And the cycle continues.

This fundamental lesson must be ever present. The message of the Shulchan teaches us that even if times are challenging, simchas hachayim is not some half-baked contemporary notion. Rather its place is in the very heart of our mishkan and we should ensure that it fills our personal mikdash and our entire avoda keeping it fresh and inspired each and every day.

The Triple Threat | A Guest Post

rabbifink — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 18:42:43 +0000

A guest post by Rabbi Aaron Fink (my father), Dean of Ateres Bais Yaakov in Monsey NY. Part of a weekly Dvar Torah (Torah “Thought”) series.

Parshas Yisro

Achdus, Emunah and Simcha

The raison-d’être of maaseh braisheis and the essential tachlis of Klal Yisrael is defined in parshas Yisro with the experience of Matan Torah. No other event in world history more profoundly impacted the world for eternity. For Klal Yisrael our role as banim laHashem, of being privileged to be designated as an ohr la’amim is nestled in the achdus we shared as we proclaimed na’aseh v’nishmah, K’ish echad b’lev echad. With this expression, the unity of Am Yisrael is linked forever to our acceptance of the responsibilities Hashem Yisborach was placing upon us.

The Midrash Tanchuma elaborates on this idea. He quotes Rebbi Hakadosh, who includes an additional ingredient in the paradigm of Matan Torah. It creates a chut Hamishulash and a message which is so vital it must be explored. “Rebbi omer, bsha’ah she’amdu Yisrael al Har Sinai hishvu kulan lev echad l’kabeil aleihem malchuchus shamayim . . . b’simcha.”

The Achdus of Klal Yisrael at Sinai was not limited to our unity of acceptance of mitzvos. Rather, it was expanded to include the attitude of Simcha. It is simcha which must permeate every aspect of our achdus and avodas Hashem. It is the prerequisite of Matan Torah . These three: simcha, achdus and kabbalas malchus Shamayim are the “chut hamishulash” of our avodas Hashem. The message is that without simcha true unity is impossible; without simcha, emunah is lacking. The declaration of na’asseh v’nishma is dependent on all three— achdus, emunah and simcha. Strengthening each of these aspects of our daily avodah can help reignite the inspiration of Sinai for us each and every day.

Take Time To Smell The Roses | A Guest Post

rabbifink — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 07:01:49 +0000

A guest post by Rabbi Aaron Fink (my father), Dean of Ateres Bais Yaakov on Monsey NY. Part of a weekly Dvar Torah (Torah “Thought”) series.

Yaakov, Eisav & The Simple Things in Life

This week’s parsha presents the fundamental distinction between Klal Yisrael and the Umos HaOlam, defined by Yaakov Avinu and Eisav Harasha. Exploring these differences can help us understand what defines us and which values to seek and transmit to our children. One insight is especially relevant to the contemporary milieu.

Yaakov buys the Bichorah, the birthright, from Eisav for a bowl of soup. Upon receipt of such we are told—Vayochal, Vayeisht, Vayakom, Vayeilach, Vayivez: he ate, drank, got up, left and mocked. The mifarshim derive powerful messages from his behavior. The Kli Yakar notes that this phrase is the makor for the medrash that says Eisav committed 5 serious Aveiros on that day replete with heretical, immoral and antisocial behavior.

On a simpler level, however, one can come to understand from this phrase the superficiality of an Eisav which is mirrored by American life today. Eisav was constantly on the run: fast food, quick drink and a “get up and go”, instant, disposable lifestyle was all he made time for. There was no desire or effort to stop and smell the roses and appreciate what was truly his. Relationships were temporary and insights superficial. Even the gift of life grew tired. As a result he did not thoroughly deliberate his mission in life or his connection to Hashem. He became cynical and scorned the Bechora, his spiritual birthright. Torah and Mitzvos became a burden to be unloaded rather than a joy to be celebrated.

Unfortunately, these attitudes can creep into the contemporary Torah home. We expect instant gratification and wish for automatic success–effortlessly and with instant messaging! We get wrapped up in the here and now and anticipate immediate results with our children’s education, shalom Bayis and professional ambitions. Klal Yisrael should know better. When it comes to growing in Torah, Mitzvos, and personal development, the Gemarah tells us, “Yagatah Umatzasa Ta’amin”, if one labors and achieves, that is believable.

Yaakov Avinu personifies such growth. He was an “Ish Tam Yoshev Ohalim-a pure man who sat in the tent”, constantly pondering, deliberating and striving to serve Hashem with his entire being and as a result he achieved. It is this model that fuels the formation of the quintessential Jewish family, the 12 shevatim. His success yielded true lasting Simcha, the joy of accomplishment. That is the true Simchas Hachayim that we should all strive for and  IY”H receive.

That's What I Call Ambition

rabbifink — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 05:01:57 +0000

When we are in Venice for Shabbos we stay at wonderful, little, extended stay hotel on the boardwalk called Su Casa. They try and give us an Ocean View Room. It is great to have the ocean view, but not as much for the ocean view as for the “boardwalk” view.

You see, Venice Boardwalk is like Mardi Gras every weekend. (See picture to the left.) Street performers, vendors and drunkards line the boardwalk and thousands and thousands of tourists and natives walk back forth as they hawk their wares.

Rami loves the people watching and I must admit, it can be quite addictive!

Today we saw, by far, the most ambitious sales pitch on the boardwalk. We were sitting down to lunch with the windows ajar and we heard the following declaration from the boardwalk.

“Get your sand here! The very best California sand, just 50 cents! Hand picked sand here! Why walk 5 more feet to the beach when you can get your own handful of sand right here for 50 cents!”

So we went to the window to check it out. It was two teenage boys with a lot of spare time and a great sense of humor. They were just being funny, but they actually kept it up for a few hours. They tried to sell sand to every one who passed them by. Some people gave them a few tips and I think they ended up with a couple dollars.

But it got me thinking. How often are we looking for something and we are willing to make an effort to get it, yet it is right there in front of us. Imagine someone actually bought the sand they were selling. They could just walk 5 feet and get it for free!

I think that sometimes people are looking for things in exotic places and very often what they are looking for is right in front of them. Certainly happiness is this way. People travel to the far corners of the earth in search of happiness. But happiness is right there in front of them. Happiness is a choice.

Love is the same way. People look so hard to find love. But we can always love. Everyone we know can benefit from our love. Our families yearn for our love and to love us back. Again, it is right here in front of us.

Even business opportunities can be the same way. We look and look, but very often, our best opportunities are the ones we already have.

We would never buy sand on the Venice Boardwalk. Let’s always look at what we have before we look for what we think we do not have…

Sukkos: Holiday of Happiness | A Guest Post

rabbifink — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 06:59:57 +0000

A guest post by Rabbi Aaron Fink (my father), Dean of Ateres Bais Yaakov on Monsey NY. Part of a weekly Dvar Torah (Torah “Thought”) series.

Sweet Waters of Torah

In Parshas Haazzinu, Moshe Rabbeinu compares the Torah to rain, dew and other forms of precipitation which sustain the earth. Chazal teach, ein mayim elah Torah. Torah is the water of our life. There are many poignant lessons to be learned from the fact that Torah is compared to water. First and foremost, without water life would cease to exist. Torah too, is the sam hachaim, the elixir of life for us all.

Another insight comes from the Chassidic masters who note that when one waters a garden he is engaged in a tremendous act of bitachon. The watering does not yield any instant gratification (being patient for long term results is an important reminder for us all). Moreover, the water slowly seeps into the soil, steadily nurturing the seed. It gradually ignites the spark of growth for a plant to emerge from the earth in the future. Such is Torah. As we study and learn we do not always see immediate growth. The transformation of an individual into a true ben or bas Torah is a gradual process. As Torah seeps into the soul it is mashpiah on our character; it steadily influences our Middos, nourishing us with ruchniyus and helping us to emerge as real ovdei Hashem as we grow more and more each day.

Lastly, we all know that water is the quintessential liquid. Chazal note that liquid has no shape of its own. It always takes the form of the vessel it is put into. The same is true with Torah. If we put Torah into an appropriate container, it is the most beautiful object in the world. But if r”l we put Torah into or pour it out of an inappropriate container, the luster is lost and its beauty is hidden. This is why it is so important to work on our middos. We must prepare ourselves to be beautiful decanters of Torah knowledge.

However, just as critical as middos tovos are the attitudes we develop as ovdei Hashem. We must seek to fulfill the challenge of Dovid Hamelech who says, ivdu es Hashem b’simcha – to serve Hashem with joy. When we serve Hashem B’Simcha, the joy and exuberance for life permeates the Torah we study and exudes Kedusha for all to see with warmth and radiance from our very being. It is for this reason that our birchos HaTorah each morning reflect a yearning of v’haarev nah! Let the Torah be sweet!

Perhaps this is why it is on Sukkos — the zman simchaseinu that we celebrate the nisuch hamayim. We even climax our zman simchaseinu activities with tefillas geshem and Simchas Torah! Indeed, what could be more important than beseeching Hakadosh Baruch Hu that the waters of Torah that enter our lives be touched with simcha all year long.

Women's Happiness and Being a Parent

rabbifink — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:00:47 +0000

I just can’t kick this parenting thing. Every post I feel like writing is connected with parenting.

The last time this happened I was hooked on clothes. Those posts are all linked here, here, here, here, here and here. I recommend checking those out.

One of the most popular articles on NYTimes.com this week is an Op-Ed about women’s happiness.

Cleverly titled “Blue is the New Black“, the article’s basic premise is that women having more opportunities and doing more does not contribute to their happiness.

Some of the money quotes:

“Women around the world are in a funk”

“Though women begin their lives more fulfilled than men, as they age, they gradually become less happy”

“Choice is inherently stressful”

I have a bit of an issue with “Happiness Surveys” in general, especially across time and space. We all have different definitions of happiness and I find it hard to believe that there is a universal definition that can be compared across 40 years of women.

What disturbed me even more was this quote:

Across the happiness data, the one thing in life that will make you less happy is having children. It’s true whether you’re wealthy or poor, if you have kids late or kids early. Yet I know very few people who would tell me they wish they hadn’t had kids or who would tell me they feel their kids were the destroyer of their happiness.

Children are a lot of work. Children take up a lot of time, a lot of effort and a lot of money. But I cannot fathom how people can have such a negative outlook on the effect of children on their lives.

Everyone knows that when one has no children they have more free time. Is free time the key ingredient to happiness in the minds of these people? What is it about children that can guarantee these people will be less happy?

Love is a great feeling. Loving one’s children must add good feelings to one’s life. More good feelings should help one feel more happiness. I find it shocking that these parents claim not to find more happiness in their lives.

Further, is happiness something that depends on external factors at all?

To me, happiness is a state of mind that exists irrespective of outside stimuli.

Even if someone is oppressed they can be happy. Even during trying times like tragedy or even Holocaust one can be happy.

Did women’s roles change in response to happiness? I think they changed in deference to fairness. In which case the entire article is meaningless. The happiness of women or anyone else was never the issue.

Ms. Dowd makes the issue “happiness” and then says “it didn’t work”. Color me confused. Blue or black…