Pacific Jewish Center | Rabbi » family

Do Children Need Married Parents to Thrive?

rabbifink — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 02:36:42 +0000

The NY Times has a great online section called “Room for Debate” in which they enlist writers from a spectrum of views to give their opinion on a particular issue.

The August 30, 2011 issue is: Should Parents Marry for the Kids?

The rules are predetermined. It is a given that a happy, healthy marriage is great for raising kids. The question is if cohabitation is just as good as a marriage for the purposes of raising kids.

The contributors all make good points. Some make bad points too.

One thread that seems to run throughout it is that we are a marriage-centric society. This automatically tips the scales in favor of marriage. But why is marriage better? What is it about saying “I do” that could make the relationship a better environment for raising kids?

The simple answer is commitment. Marriage connotes a greater commitment than cohabitation. Divorces are painful, expensive and difficult. Couples that are married think twice (or more) before a divorce. The assumption is that if the couple is not getting a divorce they will work on the relationship to the point that it is a stable environment for raising children. However, cohabitation is much easier to sever. Just take your things and leave and it is over. Since it is easier to end the relationship, it is more likely that a child of cohabiting parents will end up living with one parent.

Worse than living with one parent is the shuffling of parent figures. Single parents are people too. They have a need for relationships and those needs can turn into several different partners over the course of a childhood. This can be traumatic.

Since cohabitation ends up being shorter than a marriage, more often than not, many of the contributors favor marriage for raising children.

This is a reasonable argument.

But I wonder, as do some of the contributors, what will happen if more and more people opt for cohabitation and our society becomes less marriage-centric? If it turns out that cohabitation is not an indicator of stability is there still an advantage that marriage can claim over cohabitation?

I believe the answer is yes.

A marriage is celebrated with a wedding. A wedding is a ceremony full of old rituals and traditions. A wedding takes something greater than the union and binds the couple. A religious marriage ceremony includes a member of the clergy and God Almighty. Even a secular marriage includes a judge and “The Law”.

It seems to me that invoking a greater power when forming a union of marriage gives the relationship a greater sense of purpose; something that makes the union holy or consecrated. I believe that is good for a relationship and even better for rearing a family.

Life is full of challenges. Placing a greater purpose than one’s personal needs into a relationship and a family can be a wonderful glue during difficult times. Anytime one begins to feel lost, knowing that there is a greater purpose to the most important things in one’s life, a spouse, children, family can be the greatest comfort in the darkest of times.

Marriage indicates that the relationship has something “more”. A wedding symbolizes this “more”. This “more” is priceless. It is also built into a marriage. Cohabitation can have it too. But getting married guarantees it.

Link: NY Times

I Met a Survivor While Renewing My Passport

rabbifink — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 21:24:38 +0000

This week, we renewed our Passports. Technically, they are still being renewed but our job is basically done. As an aside, is there any merit to the idea that all American citizens should have a basic right to a Passport? I mean, it cost $170 to get a Passport. Shouldn’t it be free? Did they used to be free? Who decides these things? Anyway, I wonder what y’all think about that.

While filling out the mountains of paperwork necessary to get a Passport for my sons I met a man. He made it clear he was Jewish by speaking some Yiddish and then leaning in close to say “I went to Cheder in Poland”. He then told me how he emigrated to America after WWII and enlisted in the US Army to expedite his naturalization. He had his original paperwork with him. People who know me well, know that I am a sucker for old stuff. I was loving this man’s papers from the 40′s.

He was not getting a Passport on this day. He told me that he needed official documentation to claim reparations checks from the German Government. You see, he was a survivor of Auschwitz-Birkenau. He spoke flawless English and I would have never guessed he went through the torment of the Holocaust. But he had. He didn’t want to take the reparations money. He said that he “took enough” from the Nazis. But in the end, he felt he owed to his brethren who worked so hard to get the money for him that to ignore the money would be ungrateful to them. Besides, money all looks the same in your bank account and he definitely could use the money.

The Passport place is across the street from the Museum of Tolerance. I asked him if he ever went to see the museum. He told me he had never been to a Holocaust museum. “Why would I go see it in a museum? I LIVED it!”

He loved watching my sons sit nicely while their parents were working with the Passport folks. He loved meeting my wife. I think he felt a strong self of satisfaction and pride seeing another generation of Jewish children. I am sure he never believed he would see anything like that in his darkest days in Auschwitz.

He loved hearing that I was a rabbi at a shul on the beach in Venice. He even said he would come to shul some time and see me in action. I promised him we would call him up to the Torah when he came.

I reflected afterward that his generation was seeing their ranks shrink every year. Holocaust survivors are harder and harder to find. It’s sad. On the other hand, almost 70 years after the Holocaust, it is easy to see how badly the Holocaust failed to be the “final solution”. Jewish children are growing up across the United States and the entire world with a strong sense of Jewish pride and commitment to their Judaism. I think that for that nice man I met this week, he felt his survival was vindicated by seeing young Jewish children born in the 21st Century.

I met a survivor this week and perhaps he is one of the last I will meet. But every time I see my boys I remember that he survived for us…

Yom Kippur in Fall River | A Guest Post

rabbifink — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 23:16:40 +0000

This post was written by my Father in Law, Shimon Pepper.

Some readers of this blog will not understand every word. Read it anyway – it carries universal messages. My Father in Law was raised in a traditional Jewish home, not a very religious home like the religious home in which he raised his children. He went back to the synagogue of his youth for Yom Kippur this year.

His experience was inspiring and the account of his experience is beautiful and important.

I recently spoke at a High School orientation and urged the students to “Listen to your messages” especially during the Yom Noraim (the high holiday period). So when a random text message arrived on my BlackBerry with the following message: “A Few Men needed to help ensure a Minyan in Fall River Massachusetts”, I was eager to respond. While I live in the culturally rich community of Monsey, New York with three Shuls on my block and almost 60 Jewish Schools, I was born and raised in Fall River. When I was growing up in the 1950′s and 60′s there were around 3000 Jews out of a population of close to 100,000 people. Today the Jewish Community has dwindled dramatically through outmigration, assimilation, and aging.

For me, this was a unique opportunity to give back to my community in some small way and to help the shul that helped me and shaped much of my personal history. In this shul, I first learned “Alef Bais” and Mishnayos, (with Rabbi Lipschutz and Chazan Schneider) and even delivered my first complete Haftorah (which ironically enough was Maftir Yonah – which I chanted again on this Yom Kippur). More than these “activities”, the Adas Israel Shul gave me memories: memories of my zaydie and bubby whose hybrid European and American cultures provided me with a glimpse and a small anchor back to the old country (Belarus circa 1910). It gave me memories of the years I attended services on Erev Pesach with my uncle with whom I shared the distinct merit of being a “first born son”; the memory of pleasantly surprising my parents on one Neilah afternoon by making certain that despite the fact that I was a “1960′s college student” I was not going to forsake the precious moment when G-d opened up the gates of repentance; and my Aufruf held in the very same Shul – more than 36 years ago.

These thoughts raced through me as I headed North from New York to Providence on Route 95, and then 20 miles East over the bridge to Fall River on Route 195.

I was also motivated to go because I had recently learned that the Shul was up for sale. After all, how could the 70 remaining members, most of whom were in their 80′s maintain the synagogue. Minyanim were harder and harder to come by even on Shabbosim. Even on Rosh Hashonah and Yom Kippur. I felt as Avrohom Fried sings about Moshiach, “Now’s the Time”.

I spent 26 magical hours in the shul. In fact, from 6:00 PM Erev Yom Kippur until after Shofar blowing, at 8:15 PM the next evening, I remained inside the building. I even slept in the shul on an air mattress which the visiting chazan had brought from New Jersey.

I had five significant reactions during my experience.

Gratitude: I most profoundly felt gratitude and humility that the Kadosh Baruch Hu had provided me with a “GPS which recalculated my direction” and put my family and me on the right roads. After all, the five little Peppers had all grown up here in Fall River and today, Baruch Hashem each of us have families (spouses, children, and grandchildren) who are fully committed frum Jews.

Sadness: As I entered the sanctuary I had a visceral reaction to the brightness. The shul was lit up. There were 1155 names on the nine memorial plaques which illuminated the shul. Yet there were just 16 men and less than 20 women at the height of attendance on Yom Kippur. I thought and actually hummed the following:

Where have all the children gone long time passing?
Where have all the yidden gone long time ago?
Gone to places everywhere but most about their Judaism they are unaware?
When will they ever learn? How can they can they recognize that they must learn?

Family Pride: Of the 30 people present, about one third were family members. While these children and offspring of my Uncle Zack had only received the same rudimentary Hebrew school education that most young people in New England get (as did I), these cousins have worked tirelessly to keep the shul alive and to breath a little Jewish life into the community. I felt the concept of the Pintele Yid in action.

Confused: In Monsey and in other well developed communities, Jews have labels for each other: FFB, BT, ashkenazi and sepharedi, Litvish and chasidish, Frum, Frei, the list goes on. In Fall River there we no labels. Just the Jewish children, of Avraham, Yitzchok ,and Yaakov. While not technically very religious or observant, these Jews showed reverence during the service. They didn’t talk during prayers and stood throughout neila as the holy ark was opened.

Responsibility: The Yom Kippur experience gave me a renewed sense of Jewish Ownership: the world was created for me and that which I do matters. I chanted along with the chain, conversed with everyone during the breaks, and felt that my tefillos and those of my Fall River brothers and sisters were inextricably connected.

This was a most profound Yom Tov for me, one which allowed me to remember the past, live the present, and trust the future. I felt a connection from generation to generation and I felt the renewed sense of responsibility that all Jews are responsible for one another and that indeed we are one people with a single destiny.

Am Yisroel Chai.

- Shimon Pepper, September 2010.

Google Instant And The Lesson of Time

rabbifink — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 16:14:16 +0000

Google rolled out a new search product last week. It is called Google Instant and as you type your search terms in the search box Google guesses what you are searching and dynamically displays the results as you type. So as you type “f” it shows results for Facebook, add an “i” and the results immediately change to Fifa, add an “n” you get results for Google Finance etc.

Unfortunately, when you search finkorswim, Google still thinks it’s a typo and you are looking for thinkorswim. Maybe one day that will change…

My friend Barry Schwartz (from Rusty Brick) was interviewed by NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams about Google Instant. I decided to check out the video of the segment with the 6 seconds of Barry’s interview near the end. Barry did a great job and it was cool to see a friend on NBC Nightly News wearing a yarmulka. Definitely a kiddush Hashem, (Video below)

Watching the news report, I could not help but think of something my wife’s grandfather (Sanford / Babe Pepper Z”L) said as he gazed out the window of a high-rise building (maybe a hospital) in Manhattan. He saw the cars jockeying for position on the wide New York City Avenues and drivers cutting off other drivers to arrive at their destination a split second quicker. Everyone is in a rush. He asked, “what are you going to do with the extra time?”. We are always trying to save time, do things quickly, but what do we do with the time that we have saved? Are we productive or are we saving time, just to waste it?

According to Google, Google Instant saves an average user 2 hours per year. That is a lot of time. Over the course of a couple decades it would save a user an entire day.

What are we going to do with the extra time?

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

This Blog Post is in Honor of (one of) My Incredibly Accomplished Grandmother(s)

rabbifink — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 01:24:35 +0000

This past Sunday I was in Baltimore MD (Birthplace of Eliyahu Fink and his son Rami) for a very unique occasion.

My grandmother was celebrating her 70th birthday (that’s not so unique – right?) AND her recent Ph.D (yes – she just got her Ph.D). Veteran readers of this blog will remember that both my grandmothers work full time (see: My Thoughts On The Aughts). That’s an accomplishment on its own merits!

This grandmother, her name is Louise Fink, is the younger of the duo and she is a practicing clinical psychologist and the Head of Health Services for the Baltimore City Public School System, which means that she is charge of the mental health and special education departments for the entire BCPS. One might think that would satisfy one’s ambition. But not her. My grandmother went for her Ph.D while working full time at time in her life that most people contemplate retirement. All of this while she tended to her ailing husband who has since passed (may his memory be blessed).

Many friends and family attended the party. The only thing missing from the party was the press! Well, its 2010 and today’s press are the bloggers. I was there and I am reporting that yes it is true, Louise Fink is now Dr. Louise Fink Ph.D and a mother to incredible children, grandmother to wonderful grandchildren and great grandmother to adorable great grandchildren.

We have learned so much from our grandmother. We have learned about life, love, education, Torah and family from her. We have recognized her greatness for a long time and now it is time she is recognized publicly.

Thank you for being such a special grandmother, special human being (and reader of my humble blog).

We look forward to sharing many more milestones together!

I Am So Proud

rabbifink — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:48:39 +0000

Last year, there were a large number of public incidents that shed a negative light on Jews in general and particularly on Orthodox Jews. These events were not representitive of the average Jewish person, yet their notoriety put them front and center in the media.

It seems that the Earthquake in Haiti has marked a reversal of negative media coverage into more positive media coverage in response to more positive actions by Jewish people.

I noted last week that although the Jewish connection with Haiti is slim, there has been no shortage of Jewish efforts to aid the beleaguered people of Haiti.

It did not end with financial support. CNN has been reporting that the Israeli relief efforts were the quickest to respond and efforts were in full swing before any other country was set up. Israel was the first country with a field hospital in Haiti, Additionaly, the Israeli relief efforts have been reported as effective and efficient by CNN and others.

You can see video below of CNN’s coverage.

I am also proud to report that my uncle made the news with his personal work on behalf of Haiti.

Vosizneias is reporting that Rabbi Ronald Greenwald (Uncle Ronnie, to me) is spearheading a drive in many Monsey NY private Jewish schools (Yeshivas) to collect food and supplies to be delivered to Haiti. This comes on the heels of an unrelated visit to Haiti 6 weeks prior in which he was inspired to help the impoverished nation. Greenwald promised the members of the the Haitian community that he would meet with them and accompany them on a delegation to Washington if needed. That meeting was scheduled for January 19.

Uncle Ronnie is no stranger to projects of this nature. He has spent his entire adult life working on behalf of Jewish and non-Jewish causes. Those who know him or know of him are not surprised by this news. The only thing surprising is that some people think it is “news”. This is a typical anecdote in his accomplished life and we wish him more opportunities and more success for many years to come.

CNN Videos:

My Thoughts On The Aughts

rabbifink — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 04:59:19 +0000

Aughts?

That is the unofficial term for 2000-2009. The decade that is passing us by in another time-zone every hour today is called the aughts. That’s how they rolled in 1900-1909. It worked for them, it works for me too.

The aughts are a special decade for me.

In 1999 I was a high-school senior. In 2009 I am a husband, father (times two), Rabbi, law student, blogger and perhaps most surprising of all, an adult.

For me, the aughts were the formative years of my passage from teenage years to adulthood. In many ways it seems to me that America also had to grow up in the aughts. We had 2 huge economic meltdowns, teaching us reckless Americans to stop acting like teenagers and become responsible adults.

Reflecting on the last decade is difficult because so many things have happened. History spins its wheel faster than ever before.

Technology has changed and changed us all. In 1999 I got my first cell-phone. I left it my dorm room closet and used it in lieu of the payphone to make a couple calls per week. In 2009 I carry my iPhone with me so that I am always connected to the power of the internet and I am available at almost all times, via voice, text or email. Speaking of email, I did not even have an email address in 1999, that would not happen for me until 2002. One constant has been the telephone. In 1999 I tried to speak with my parents at least one a week. In 2009 I make that same effort.

The aughts were not just about technology. The aughts were also about family. In 1999 I was the eldest of seven in my parents’ home. In 2009 more than half of us Finks are married and somehow we have become the parents, and our parents the grandparents. In 1999 I had 2 living grandfathers to learn from, to emulate and to be their pride. In 2009 I have none. What a difference a decade makes. One constant has been the strength of my 2 grandmothers, who both work full time and enjoy spending their “free” time with their numerous grandchildren and great-children. I guess, the more things change, the more they stay the same too.

The aughts were also a time of learning. In 1999 I was a student. In 2009 I am a teacher. In 1999 I had not heard of Venice CA, or the Shul on the Beach. In 2009 I am the Rabbi in Venice CA at the Shul on the Beach. In 1999 I was studying mostly Talmud. In 2009 I have studied more areas of Torah I ever could have dreamed, I have studied for and been granted Rabbinic Ordination, I have broadened my Jewish learning horizons. In 1999 I had not heard of Malcolm Gladwell. In 2009, not a day goes by without something triggering a thought about something he has written. In 1999 I looked up information in the “World Book Encyclopedia“. In 2009 I check Wikipedia several times daily. One constant has been my mentor and teacher, Rabbi Moshe Brown. In 1999 he was the first person I turned to for advice. In 2009 he is still on my speed-dial.

The aughts have shown me the world. In 1999 I had seen only parts of our beautiful country and was yet to leave the continent on my own (I lived abroad with my parents before I could even walk). In 2009, I have now been to Israel 5 times, spent time in Zurich and driven cross-country, twice. In 1999 I had driven a few hundred miles. In 2009 I have driven thousands. In 1999, if I traveled, I wished I had a co-pilot; someone with whom to share the experience. In 2009 my travels are with my co-pilot for all of life’s journeys and most-times accompanied by our 2 back seat drivers. In 1999 I lived in the New York metropolitan area. In 2009 I live in Los Angeles and spend weekends on the beach. In 1999 gas prices were around $1 / gallon. In 2009 we celebrate when you find gas for under 3$ / gallon. One constant has been that seeing our beautiful world is extraordinary, but the ordinary comfort of home always beckons us.

I could probably go on. But I think the message the aughts have taught me is becoming clear.

Things change. Life goes on. Moods are different. Styles adapt. People come and go. We pass through place after place. Our interests sway in the wind.

Yet, there are constants. The constants keep us grounded. The constants keep us home. Sometimes, the constants keep us sane or even “the same”. There is comfort in the constants. In a world that seemingly changes daily, the constants that endured my aughts shed important light on what is important in my life.

Reflecting on a decade is impossible. Reflecting on one’s life is necessary. Of course, in 800 words one cannot encapsulate a decade, nor a life. But the exercise of reflection is powerful. And although, what is written here is but a small slice of the aughts that I lived, my “Thoughts on the Aughts” feels like the perfect way to close 2009 and the first decade of my adult life.

“Here’s to many more…”

It's A Small World After All

rabbifink — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 09:35:39 +0000

Every once in a while I head to our Shul on the Beach on a Sunday afternoon to drum up some business. I hang out on the Venice Boardwalk hoping to meet anyone interested in our shul or Judaism. I show interested passers-by the shul, sometimes we take a picture, (I tell them about the blog), I invite them to ‘something’, we shmooze and then they are on their way.

This Sunday was the last Sunday before our upcoming Chanukah party so it was a prime opportunity to publicize the party which is open to the public.

Unfortunately, the weather was not cooperative. It was cold by Los Angeles standards and the boardwalk was much quieter than usual. Very few people stopped in to say hi on this day.

But one encounter was just so remarkable that I wished to share it with you.

A pair of women were walking and as they passed the shul one of them veered in our direction and asked if she could come inside. She said the magical words that we hear all too ofter “I pass by the shul all the time, but it was never open”. “We’re working on that”, I respond with a smile.

One of the women is Jewish, mostly reform, but has been affiliated with Orthodox as well.

After a few pleasantries, I reveal that I am the Rabbi. I introduce myself as Eliyahu Fink. She asks if I am related to any other Rabbi Finks. I reply in the affirmative. My father is Rabbi Fink. My grandfather was Rabbi Fink as well.

“Is your father Rabbi Aaron Fink?”, she asks.

“Yes he is! Do you know him? And how?”

She tells me that she used to live in Buffalo NY where my father was Headmaster of the Jewish Day School for 4 years. She remembered me as a 6 year old boy and remembers my parents well. In fact she recently saw them at a wedding of a Buffalonian a couple years ago.

What a small world!

Hopefully, we will see her again at the Chanukah Party.

In the meantime, here is the picture I took with Linda in our Shul.

When Times Are Tough

rabbifink — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:09:34 +0000

The economic crisis has hit many families and individuals in different ways. This anecdote really hit me hard. Perhaps you will feel the same way.

We all know that money is tight for Americans all across the country. Los Angeles is no exception and even in the middle to upper class neighborhood where we live there are some disturbing signs of desperation. Sure, there are for rent signs all over the place and people are conscious about saving and reducing their expenses, but the most painful demonstration of the economic crisis that I have heard is so much worse.

Around the corner from our home is a Ralph’s Supermarket. (That’s like Pathmark and Shoprite for the east coasters, Publix for you southerners and Schnucks for you midwesterners.) We go there for many basic grocery items, but in the past they have been notoriously over priced so we would go to Trader Joe’s for anything that we could find there as the prices were much better.

Recently, Ralph’s has had some great sales and overall their prices have come down. Even their coupons have been more generous. One glaring example of an overly generous coupon is the buy one baby formula get another baby formula free coupon. Free! That’s a big coupon. The only problem with using that coupon is that the formula section is often bare.

Even early in the day, Ralph’s is often sold out of all the baby formula that they stock.

My wife decided to ask a Ralph’s stock person about the low stock of baby formula. The stock person said “yeah, it’s always like this now, the thing is that people aren’t even buying it, we will sometimes go through our entire stock of baby formula without making one sale. People have crying babies at home that need to eat, but they can’t afford the baby formula, so they’ve been stealing it. Kids and adults can get by on other stuff, even cheap stuff, but babies need formula…” (Now the 5$ coupons make sense, Ralph’s would prefer that they buy the formula for a deeply discounted price rather than steal it.)

(Ralph’s now has the formula behind lock and key to prevent theft.)

When I heard that, it brought me to tears. As I type it right now, tears form in the corners of my eyes. I cannot imagine how disheartening it must be to a parent who cannot afford to feed one’s family.

For those of us who have what we need, it is a call to reach out and help our friends and neighbors who are going through difficult financial times. It is heartbreaking to hear about these stories, but it is reality.

We all know people who need help. Let us all try and share what we have with those who don’t.

That's What I Call Ambition

rabbifink — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 05:01:57 +0000

When we are in Venice for Shabbos we stay at wonderful, little, extended stay hotel on the boardwalk called Su Casa. They try and give us an Ocean View Room. It is great to have the ocean view, but not as much for the ocean view as for the “boardwalk” view.

You see, Venice Boardwalk is like Mardi Gras every weekend. (See picture to the left.) Street performers, vendors and drunkards line the boardwalk and thousands and thousands of tourists and natives walk back forth as they hawk their wares.

Rami loves the people watching and I must admit, it can be quite addictive!

Today we saw, by far, the most ambitious sales pitch on the boardwalk. We were sitting down to lunch with the windows ajar and we heard the following declaration from the boardwalk.

“Get your sand here! The very best California sand, just 50 cents! Hand picked sand here! Why walk 5 more feet to the beach when you can get your own handful of sand right here for 50 cents!”

So we went to the window to check it out. It was two teenage boys with a lot of spare time and a great sense of humor. They were just being funny, but they actually kept it up for a few hours. They tried to sell sand to every one who passed them by. Some people gave them a few tips and I think they ended up with a couple dollars.

But it got me thinking. How often are we looking for something and we are willing to make an effort to get it, yet it is right there in front of us. Imagine someone actually bought the sand they were selling. They could just walk 5 feet and get it for free!

I think that sometimes people are looking for things in exotic places and very often what they are looking for is right in front of them. Certainly happiness is this way. People travel to the far corners of the earth in search of happiness. But happiness is right there in front of them. Happiness is a choice.

Love is the same way. People look so hard to find love. But we can always love. Everyone we know can benefit from our love. Our families yearn for our love and to love us back. Again, it is right here in front of us.

Even business opportunities can be the same way. We look and look, but very often, our best opportunities are the ones we already have.

We would never buy sand on the Venice Boardwalk. Let’s always look at what we have before we look for what we think we do not have…

200th Post: Something To Bring a Smile To Your Face

rabbifink — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 11:23:49 +0000

This is post #200 on finkorswim.com. Congratulations to me. As promised, I will do a best of the first 200 posts in the next few days. In the meantime, here is this…

It has been a short 10 and a half months since this blog opened it’s doors to the public. I have had a blast writing my thoughts, sharing links and Jewish content with you, the readers.

The blog gives you a glimpse into a slice of my life. But that is all it is, a slice.

My life goes way beyond this blog. The most important thing in my life is my family. And for the 200th post on this blog I present a video of my wonderful boys as a tribute to my family.

It’s a recent video of the boys playing ball together. They are so cute and Ozzie (the baby) loves to play (and say!) ball. They, along with my incredible wife, are the greatest blessing I have.

Enjoy.

Crosses Honor Fallen Soldiers of All Faiths

rabbifink — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 07:01:43 +0000

We took the family to Santa Monica Pier on Sunday and our six year old son proved to be smarter than a Supreme Court Justice!

It is so beautiful to walk along the beach and observe all the excitement along the boardwalk and pier. As always, we had a great time in Santa Monica.

For the last few years there has been a protest / exhibit just north of the pier. The protestors are against war in general, the Iraq war in specific and pretty much the entire defense budget of the United States.

They call it Arlington West and they have set up a faux graveyard in the sand representing the fallen soldiers in what they call a criminal war.

It can be quite powerful when you see it.

As we walked by the lines and lines of crosses on this occasion, my 6 year old son asks, “How do they know all the soldiers who died were Christian? If they were Jewish or Muslim or ‘nothing’ they probably wouldn’t want a cross.”

Excellent point kiddo! Score one for the six year old.

In fact you may have heard about this exact issue arising in the Supreme Court of the United States in Salazar v. Buono. The issue in the case is an eight-foot high cross that was erected as a memorial to fallen soldiers in foreign wars.

The case made recent headlines when Justice Scalia could not fathom that a non-Christian would perhaps be offended by a Christian symbol as a memorial for the dead. The exchange between Justice Scalia and ACLU lawyer Peter J. Eliasburg went something like this:

JUSTICE SCALIA: The cross doesn’t honor non-Christians who fought in the war? Is that — is that –

MR. ELIASBERG: I believe that’s actually correct.

JUSTICE SCALIA: Where does it say that?

MR. ELIASBERG: It doesn’t say that, but a cross is the predominant symbol of Christianity and it signifies that Jesus is the son of God and died to redeem mankind for our sins, and I believe that’s why the Jewish war veterans –

JUSTICE SCALIA: It’s erected as a war memorial. I assume it is erected in honor of all of the war dead. It’s the — the cross is the — is the most common symbol of — of — of the resting place of the dead, and it doesn’t seem to me — what would you have them erect? A cross — some conglomerate of a cross, a Star of David, and you know, a Moslem half moon and star?

MR. ELIASBERG: Well, Justice Scalia, if I may go to your first point. The cross is the most common symbol of the resting place of Christians. I have been in Jewish cemeteries. There is never a cross on a tombstone of a Jew. (Laughter.)

MR. ELIASBERG: So it is the most common symbol to honor Christians.

JUSTICE SCALIA: I don’t think you can leap from that to the conclusion that the only war dead that that cross honors are the Christian war dead. I think that’s an outrageous conclusion.

MR. ELIASBERG: Well, my — the point of my — point here is to say that there is a reason the Jewish war veterans came in and said we don’t feel honored by this cross. This cross can’t honor us because it is a religious symbol of another religion.

(Credit: Huffington Post)

DovBear posted about this last week (Impeach Scalia) click for discussion there.

What amazes me is how my 6 year old son can see something so patently obvious and yet Justice Scalia can’t seem to process the concept…

Incredible.

Yom Kippur Wishes

rabbifink — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 22:15:53 +0000

On behalf of myself, my family and the entire Pacific Jewish Center Community, I wish everyone a year of blessing.

If I have insulted or hurt you in any way whatsoever. please know that it was unintended, I deeply regret it and I hope you can forgive me.

To all who are fasting this Yom Kippur, I hope the fast is not too difficult and you are able to maintain your health and strength.

Ozzie Is Growing Up, Are You?

rabbifink — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 16:44:40 +0000

Video Post

It has been a while since I posted a video of Ozzie. The last video showed him crawling to his toys. That was 4 months ago and boy how things have changed since then.

Even more has changed since I posted the first video of Ozzie playing a game.

Babies change every day. They learn new things every day. We can learn a lot from babies.

Especially at this time of year as we attempt to make changes in our lives. Sometimes it is hard to make change, I think it can be helpful to observe others who are succesful at learning to behaviors and attitudes. Babies definitely change drastically from day to day and month to month and year to year.

As adults we need to “re-learn” how to change. We need to be more like babies to a certain extent. We must be hungry for knowledge, quick to change and ready to adapt.

Ozzie understands a lot of words and can respond accordingly. In this video he is asked to “Bang” and he does so very well. Ozzie also says his first word. Incredibly it is the same first word that Rami said, “Uh-Oh”. He says it when things fall. In fact he said it recently and we thought he was kidding, but later we realized that he was right, we had dropped something…

Sometimes kids know best!

(By the way – if you are in the market for a new Digital Camera, I recommend getting this camera. It is very tiny and shoots HD video and is only about $200 – it shot the video on this page)

Enjoy the video.

Women's Happiness and Being a Parent

rabbifink — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:00:47 +0000

I just can’t kick this parenting thing. Every post I feel like writing is connected with parenting.

The last time this happened I was hooked on clothes. Those posts are all linked here, here, here, here, here and here. I recommend checking those out.

One of the most popular articles on NYTimes.com this week is an Op-Ed about women’s happiness.

Cleverly titled “Blue is the New Black“, the article’s basic premise is that women having more opportunities and doing more does not contribute to their happiness.

Some of the money quotes:

“Women around the world are in a funk”

“Though women begin their lives more fulfilled than men, as they age, they gradually become less happy”

“Choice is inherently stressful”

I have a bit of an issue with “Happiness Surveys” in general, especially across time and space. We all have different definitions of happiness and I find it hard to believe that there is a universal definition that can be compared across 40 years of women.

What disturbed me even more was this quote:

Across the happiness data, the one thing in life that will make you less happy is having children. It’s true whether you’re wealthy or poor, if you have kids late or kids early. Yet I know very few people who would tell me they wish they hadn’t had kids or who would tell me they feel their kids were the destroyer of their happiness.

Children are a lot of work. Children take up a lot of time, a lot of effort and a lot of money. But I cannot fathom how people can have such a negative outlook on the effect of children on their lives.

Everyone knows that when one has no children they have more free time. Is free time the key ingredient to happiness in the minds of these people? What is it about children that can guarantee these people will be less happy?

Love is a great feeling. Loving one’s children must add good feelings to one’s life. More good feelings should help one feel more happiness. I find it shocking that these parents claim not to find more happiness in their lives.

Further, is happiness something that depends on external factors at all?

To me, happiness is a state of mind that exists irrespective of outside stimuli.

Even if someone is oppressed they can be happy. Even during trying times like tragedy or even Holocaust one can be happy.

Did women’s roles change in response to happiness? I think they changed in deference to fairness. In which case the entire article is meaningless. The happiness of women or anyone else was never the issue.

Ms. Dowd makes the issue “happiness” and then says “it didn’t work”. Color me confused. Blue or black…

Parenting: Unconditional Love

rabbifink — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 18:28:14 +0000

Parenting has been on my mind lately.

Earlier today I posted about Kim Clijsters and the sacrifices of working mothers.

It must be the impending Rosh Hashana that is influencing these thoughts of parents and children.

Parenting is tough job. There are no vacations. There is no financial remuneration. It is oftentimes thankless.

Also we are so clueless as to how to parent. Babies don’t come with a handy manual or set of instructions. The questions all parents have are endless.

To punish or not? When to compliment? To be honest with our children about their shortcomings? I always think about Simon Cowell asking some terrible “singer” if anyone ever told them that they are just not talented. And then they cut to that parents telling their kid how great they are. No one wants to be that parent.

There was a very popular article in the NY Times about parenting this week. The article explains, based on a study by 2 Israeli researchers, that conditional love can be just as harmful to children as punishment. Meaning, when a parent only doles out love for their child when the child performs as the parent expects the affect on the child is the same as punishing the child when the parent disapproves of the child’s behavior. The child may accomplish more, but will ultimately feel resentment, anxiety and feel unhappy.

The proper way to love one’s children is unconditionally.

Love is not a tool that we wield to bend the child into submission. Every child needs the love of its parents. Always.

This is a message we can take into Rosh Hashana. It is true that it is a day of judgment and that can give us reason to pause and be fearful of our verdict. There is a Judge and there is judgment.

We have one saving grace. The Judge is our Father.

The relationship that we have with God is the same as the relationship that a parent has with a child. Unconditional love.

When it comes to our moment of judgment in the heavenly court we know that we are unconditionally loved by our Father in Heaven no matter how far we may strayed from His path. Just remember that our Father is waiting for us with a warm embrace.

Children that feel unconditionally loved have less problems feeling accepted later in life. Unconditional love is the greatest gift a parent can provide for their children. Sometimes it may seem hard when children frustrate us.

A great video has been circling the internet the last couple of days.

The video really illustrates what I have been saying in this post. Even when our children frustrate us, we must love them unconditionally. Even if we “frustrate” God, He has a warm embrace for us. He is our father.

The father in this video looks like he is about to get frustrated with his daughter. Then he embraces her.

Perfect imagery for this post. Enjoy.

Two side points:

1 – Great catch by the day. Just wow. I am impressed. As they say in Baltimore – “Give that fan a contract!”.

2 – She threw the ball back on the field because the Phillies fans throw the ball back whenever a non-Phillies player hits a home run. She saw this and copied. Kids see all. And they copy what their parents do. Keep that in mind.

Kim Clijsters: Tennis Champion and Mother

rabbifink — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:47:54 +0000

Something has been on mind the last few days. The last three blog posts I have attempted to write have been all on the same topic. I have decided to turn them into two blog posts and this is the first of a two part series.

The topic is parenting. The relationship between parents and their children.

It is a timely subject as the Jewish Calendar turns the page into a new year. A major element of the Rosh Hashana liturgy is the relationship between us and God. That relationship takes a few forms. One form is that of a parent to a child.

On Sunday, Kim Clijsters won the US Open. The US Open is a Tennis Tournament featuring the greatest players in the world. Clijsters was a dominant tennis player a few years ago and then she took a break to have a baby. She had the baby and two and a half years later came back to competitive tennis. Her first major tournament in her comeback was the US Open. And she won.

What struck me is the media’s attention to the fact that she was a mother and yet somehow was able beat the odds and win the US Open. I think that is noteworthy because parents have different priorities than non-parents. Parents put their kids first and their lives second. That Clijsters could be a mother whose primary concern was her child and still had enough in the tank to train and compete and win is very impressive.

Clijsters demonstrated the true strength of being a woman. She demonstrated the ability to have her cake and eat it too. Clijsters is at the top of her professional world and is also a relatively new mother. Congratulations.

On the other hand, I just can’t help but wonder how all this affects her child.

Is there a cost? Does her child miss her mother when she spends long hours training? Should a mother of a young child be spending more time with her child?

I think it is great that women have opportunities for success. I really do.

But what about the child? What if the father is also working a tough, time consuming job?

Who raises the children?

I know that this question is broader than Kim Clijsters winning the US Open. But the media attention surroounding her success and motherhood got me thinking.

What is the feminist approach to this issue? How are parenting duties divided when both parents work? Does it even matter? Or are children just as well off being raised by paid surrogates?

Family Outing to Huntington Gardens

rabbifink — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 00:11:03 +0000

We took the family on a Sunday trip to Pasadena to see the famous Huntington Gardens.

Esteemed Pacific Jewish Center, Board Member, Alan Lipman first told me about this landmark a few months back. He described Huntington Gardens as a place of natural beauty, educational value and cultural significance. I had been looking forward to seeing the gardens in person ever since then.

Yesterday, I discovered for myself that Huntington Gardens is a “must see” attraction in the Los Angeles area.

Henry E. Huntington was a very wealthy man living at the turn of the (previous) century. He amassed great wealth and spent much of his time and money cultivating a large library of rare book and manuscripts as well as valuable artwork from around the world. On his property, Huntington built botanical gardens of various locales and cultures.

The entire property was donated to the public as a place of education and natural beauty.

We began our day in the library. There is a Guttenberg Bible prominently displayed just as you enter the library. I am always amazed by old books. My grandfather, Sidney Greenwald, had a huge collection of antique Jewish books that I just loved to peruse and listen to him tell the tales of each volume. To a slightly lesser degree I enjoy old secular books and books from other religions, but in any case, I am always drawn in by old books. The Huntington Library is incredible. I saw a first edition copy of The Federalist, I saw a facsimile of the original copy of the 13th Amendment abolishing slavery that Huntington owned and I saw Aesop’s Fables hand written from the 14th century. Of course there were many others as well. I was also pleasantly surprised by my 6 year old’s budding interest in the antique books; “a chip off the old block”.

We moved on from the library to the Children’s Gardens. There we found a wonderful exhibit on all types of flora from various climates and conditions. The exhibit is extremely kid friendly and any grade school child will love experimenting and learning as much as our son.

Just outside the doors of the exhibit is the actual Childrens Gardens. With fountains, tunnels and quaint play areas there was plenty to see and to do. We already had enough fun to make the trip worthwhile.

Then we went to see the Chinese Gardens and take the beautiful walk from the Chinese Gardens to the Japanese Gardens. The gardens are magnificent. The landscapes, use of water and bridges as well as plant life made us feel as if we were walking in a royal garden in a castle somewhere. The views were breathtaking and inspired a lit of photography. I found some similar photos to ours online so you can get an idea for what we were enjoying.

Pretty incredible. One thing that I really loved was the rock garden in the Japanese Garden (see top photo). It was so Zen and peaceful it made we wishfully consider having a Zen rock garden in my back yard.

After the Chinese and Japanese Gardens we quickly walked through the art gallery. Our children were getting tired and we only spent a few moments in the gallery. Needless to say, the art gallery is home to some absolutely stunning pieces of artwork. I loved the landscapes. The attention to detail, while giving the eye a chance to appreciate the entire canvas is truly an art form within an art form.

We ended our outing with a walk through the Rose Gardens.

It was time for us to leave and yet we already knew that we would return sometime soon to see the Jungle Gardens, the Palm Gardens and to spend more time in the art gallery.

In a city of superficiality and make-believe, The Huntington Gardens stand out as a wholesome, educational, beautiful place to visit.

I strongly recommend making it part of your itinerary. Whether you live in Los Angeles and are looking for a Sunday day trip or are planning a Los Angeles Vacation, the Huntington Gardens must be on your list.

A Post Stained With Tears | Moish Gluck Of Blessed Memory

rabbifink — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 19:03:21 +0000

I have not been to a lot of funerals in my life. I have been blessed.

Yesterday evening my family celebrated Sheva Brachos for a cousin in my parents home. It was a joyous occasion.

Immediately following its conclusion, I walked the 200 feet from my parent’s home to the neighborhood shul. At about 11:00 PM a very moving funeral began.

The juxtaposition of these two events and the nature of the deceased brought tremendous emotion. What follows is an attempt to do those feelings justice in writing.

When I was 12 my family moved to a fledgling Monsey community, our sole neighbors up the block were the Glucks.

Blessed with wonderful children, the Glucks were proud and humble people. Performing anonymous kindnesses was a hallmark of their lives.

Unfortunately, tragedy struck a few short years ago when Mrs. Gluck was taken from this world. The tragedy shook up the neighborhood. It was one the my parent’s first contemporaries death and it was painful for everyone.

The Glucks were resilient. They bounced back. The children were successful in achieving their goals and Mr. Gluck, Moish (George) Gluck remarries.

Yesterday, tragedy struck again. Driving home from work, Moish Gluck suffered a fatal heart attack, literally yards away from his home.

The pain is indescribable. Four surviving children under 30. The oldest was my classmate. The youngest my sister’s age. A recently married widow. A community still reeling from the untimely departure of Mrs. Gluck, now struck again is left to help repair their torn hearts and help the family pick up the pieces.

Listening to the youngest Gluck eulogize his father last night was one of the most emotionally difficult moments of my life. The cracking in his voice, coupled with his eloquent words were too much for me to bear. I cried. Tears were streaming down my face. It was the first time I have cried freely at a funeral in my life.

I, as countless others, my father included, owe Moish Gluck tremendous gratitude for a variety of things. In my case, the gratitude I have for Moish Gluck directly correlates to my profession as a Rabbi and a teacher. The mere fact that you are reading this post, is somewhat due to Moish Gluck.

Moish Gluck was my first employer. As a 12 year old neighborhood kid, Moish Gluck gave me my first opportunity to teach. Their eldest son needed someone to study Mishna with him. I was asked, and given a fair remuneration for my time.

I will never forget preparing for those sessions. Teaching Torah to the boy who was just 3 years my junior, was my first taste of the joys of teaching, and I will never forget that. I will never forget the smile on the boy’s parents faces when they gave me my monthly stipend. I will never forget the encouragement that Moish Gluck gave me, in the face of my first challenge to teach.

It must have been a good experience as since then I have been teaching in many capacities. As a Campus Rabbi, as a High School adviser for Yeshiva Students and Public School Students, and now as the Rabbi of the Pacific Jewish Center I draw upon my first moments as a teacher. All directly caused by a man whose friends and neighbors will all miss, Moish Gluck.

If this post were on paper and the words written in ink, my tears would stain the paper instead of falling onto the desk from where I type.

Let us remember to cherish the ones we love. Let us enjoy each second we spend with the people we care for most. Let us not waste the opportunities we have for love and friendship.

It was too difficult for my ears to hear a loving son pine for one more moment with his precious father. If we have those moments let us treasure them.

May the Lord comfort us amongst the mourners of Zion.

How Many Is Too Many?

rabbifink — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 20:55:44 +0000

This post has been cross-posted to DovBear – more discussion there.

An article on Ynet.com featured on VIN caught my ire this afternoon.

The writer, a woman, calls upon all Orthodox Jews to reject “the evil feminists” of Kolech and “have as many children as possible, as soon as possible”. For there is no greater joy in life than having many children.

Her arguments are weak (read it for yourself) and the ending says it all: “Trust me”. Why should I trust her?

As a proud father of 2 beautiful boys (a 6 year old and 8 month old) I can attest to the joys of parenthood. Giving the gift of life to one’s offspring is both very powerful and oftentimes emotional. I cannot imagine my life without my family.

I must take issue with this woman’s assertion that “the greatest gift we can give our families is a big family. Very big”.

In the VIN comments, there is a quote from R’ Shlomo Zalman Aurbach. When approached with a shaila regarding a woman who had 6 children and suffered a nervous breakdown for a heter to use birth control. His response, “why are you asking me, ask the Rav who gave her a heter to have 6 children in the first place!?”

Reb Moshe Feinstein writes in his Tshuvos that if the mother would suffer any physical, psychological or emotional harm from bearing more children she must use birth control.

Having a large family is not rooted in halacha. It is rooted in a social pressure to conform.

What has happened is the children of the “survivors” and that generation had a social calling to have large families. They were able to bear it (for the most part) with a low cost of living and 9-5 jobs, leaving time and money to spare. Enough to support many of those children in Kollel.

For many people pregnancy and childbirth as well as child rearing are difficult. For many families the cost of living is too high to support a large family. Work hours are long and the money does not go as far as it used to go.

Today’s society requires different approaches to life’s challenges from previous generations. The cost of living is higher. This forces most families to need a dual income. Who is going to raise these large families? What about the marriages? Husbands and wives who work full time, come home tired with children who need their time and attention. The idea of marriage in Judaism is to develop a relationship with a significant other. This cannot be ignored either!

Our schools are suffering from unprecedented deficits and budget cutting. Parents are having a hard time paying the tuition bills. Large families may be all of “your joy” but they can be an unfair burden on the tzibbur.

I am not calling for a “child cap” ala China. I am saying use your sechel and please don’t tell me what is good for you is good for everyone. Please don’t preach to me about what you think is right when it is not based on halacha.

Bitachon does not allow for recklessness. We cannot overburden ourselves or the system and expect bitachon to bail us out. There are children of large families who I know resented the lack of attention they received, the handouts they needed and the hustle and bustle of their busy homes. Those parents were likely ill equipped to deal with the large family dynamics and their children felt it.

Also, I happen to think that there are folks who have lots of kids to distract themselves from their unhappy lives, or their unhappy marriages (yes like a drug). Those folks need help. Not bigger families.

Ron Artest Is Going To The Lakers | What Do I Think?

rabbifink — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 22:48:42 +0000

Yes, the red-headed step child of the NBA is going to the Lakers.

There are folks who will be up in arms over a known “thug” joining their beloved Lakers.

The same Ron Artest who was suspended for one full year from participating in NBA games for his egregious actions when he was a young up and coming star with the Pacers.

As a Parent and as Rabbi you may want to know: What do I think?

If you read my blog you should know what I think.

To me, an athlete is judged on one thing and one thing only, their athletic ability.

I don’t care how many illegitimate children they have. I don’t care if they are nice people. I don’t care if they have good sportsmanship.

Those are the values that are my responsibility to teach my children. In fact, my son of 6 already knows that Artest is a thug. He also knows that kind of behavior is unacceptable. He also knows Artest is a great ball player and that has no impact on his character.

Now, if Artest’s behavior affects the performance of my team, then I start to care. But if he is a great teammate and contributes to the team, he is a good Laker.

Parents, DON’T LET YOUR CHILDREN IDOLIZE ATHLETES, THEY WILL BE DISAPPOINTED!

Onymous Blogging

rabbifink — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 16:51:22 +0000

This post has been cross-posted to DovBear. – more discussion there.

Social Networking has been around for a long time. The term is nearly two centuries old and the concept perhaps 30 times that.

With the internet explosion around the new millennium social networking became all the rage on the world wide web. MySpace and others blazed the trail. Now, blogging, Facebook and Twitter are an integral part of our social landscape.

Naturally, I was drawn to these new age ways of using technology to create social networks. I’ve been on Facebook since its inception five years ago and joined Twitter a while ago and have only recently begun to blog.

Over the last few weeks some incredible things have happened that are direct results of social networking online.

A couple of weeks ago a lovely woman came to our Shul on the Beach for Shabbos morning services. At the Kiddush (where incredibly, we do not have Kugel) she approached me and introduced herself as “Rena, I follow you on Twitter”. Immediately I realized it was @Tinsbar from Baltimore. Rena was in LA for a few days and decided to come check out our Shul. Rena enjoyed her time spent at PJC and we enjoyed her company. In fact one community member even got some footwear recommendations from Rena!

When I related this story to a Shul Board Member, he said this is the new wave of Shuls. We have moved from being just a “Brick and Morter” Shul to a “Click and Mortar” Shul.

About a month ago I posted the story of a penniless Jewish artist on the beach who was homeless. He needed some money and I was not sure if he was a good candidate for Tzedaka and I posted my moral dilemma on DovBear.

As reported last week, an anonymous donor (living miles away from Los Angeles) who read the blog post here on DovBear, literally saved this man from a dire situation.

On Twitter I follow a wonderful couple from Connecticut. She is a blogging convert and is now in the process of a more stringent conversion that would be universally accepted. He is a fellow blogger as well who blogs about his relationship with his Judaism.

He recently discovered the wonderful Jewish town of Waterbury CT. With a Yeshiva, Day School, Shul, Mikva, Kosher restaurant and very affordable housing, Waterbury is quickly picking up young couples looking to settle (slightly) out of town. I read all about that on his “onymous” (it’s a new word that means ‘the opposite of anonymous’) blog.

My sister and brother in law live in Waterbury, I told him to call my brother in law and check out Waterbury. They set a date and spent a wonderful afternoon together.

In short all of this great stuff occurred as a direct result of blogging, Twitter and social-networking 2009 style. These events also occurred in many ways as a result of “onymous” blogging. The charity case required someone be known (in this case, me). There is no way Rena would have found me if I blogged and Twittered anonymously. And if I was an anonymous blogger I never would have connected my sister with two fellow Jews looking for friends and connections.

These are the benefits of “onymous” blogging.

On the other hand (term of art – remember that discussion?), anonymous blogging and Twittering is also great. In particular I point to DovBear’s blog as a bastion of anonymity and great discussion that would admittedly never happen if we all had faces, names and families. The unfortunate realities of the Frum world as they are, almost force us cower in fear when we disagree with authority or tradition and we tend to hide behind familiar rituals, thus avoiding conflict and we are safe behind the veil of secrecy that is anonymous blogging.

Anonymity gives the silent, a voice. It gives us all a chance to be heard.

In truth, we have other things to worry about as well. As Tikkun Olam pointed out, we have Frum leaders blanketing all bloggers as a negative force, when we know that is ridiculous. There are some negative forces and many positive forces in the J-Blogosphere.

Worse is the fear we all feel of expressing our opinions. My opinion on this is transparent as I blog “onymously”. Speak your mind, challenge what you don’t understand but never lose the art of respectful questioning. I am (usually) not afraid to speak my mind and challenge what I don’t understand and thus I don’t need to be anonymous. Plus, I support many of the traditional ideals that “they” espouse. But, the crux of the issue remains the environment which we have created and now support that does not allow for us to challenge.

I say created, and that is self evident. I say support because we “give in” to the cyber bullies that force us to remain anonymous. How much greater impact would have as a group if those whom we challenge knew that we were real people? They should know that we have Yeshiva educations, wonderful families and jobs and we are frustrated with the status quo. But to “them” we are words on a computer screen, not people.

Words are cheap. Words have no soul when they are anonymous. If we want to be heard we need to be people. People have souls and people need to be dealt with. It is easy to ignore anonymous bloggers. People with souls demand attention and can affect change.

Should we strive to create a Frum culture that allows for challenging and questioning?

Are we helping the situation by blogging anonymously?

Do we lose a lot by blogging anonymously?

Do we stand to lose more by “onymous” blogging?

We're All Family

rabbifink — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 13:33:20 +0000

This morning I found this article in my inbox. From time to time, PJC board member, Judd Magilnick sends me (and everyone else he knows) interesting links from all around the web, stretching to the outer limits of the blogosphere and conventional media.

Today’s link covers something that is always on my mind.

The column discusses the latest research in DNA testing to identify if one is Jewish. There is a gene that is only passed from the mother to the child and it can be tested using a cheek swab DNA test.

Jewish roots are cropping up in the least likely of places. Al Qaeda spokesmen, Catholic Priests, a former Buddhist Catholic Radio Host to name a few. Historically, Fidel Castro, Madeleine Albright also claimed Jewish ancestry.

Now, it is testable.

DNA testing makes it possible to identify your Jewish gene as well.

What is fascinating to me is the idea that we are all related and it is scientifically “trackable”. The first time I went to Israel as a teen I experienced a profound feeling. I felt like I was among family. Everywhere I went was family. Every person I saw was a relative. I have always felt this way and in Israel it was an elevated sense of consciousness.

When I worked at University of Southern California for Ashreinu I felt it every time I met another Jewish student.

Now, at the Pacific Jewish Center, and especially when we are at the Shul on the Beach, I feel it whenever someone new wanders in to our Shul.

Frequently, I remark to fellow Jews the first time we meet, “We’re cousins ya know! We’re all cousins.” I don’t need DNA tests to prove it to me. I can feel it.

Taken to the next level. Not only are all Jewish people one family. The entire human race is one family. Yes, we have our disagreements about things, but in the end we are all family.

I think this is a powerful idea. I think we should consider this when hate creeps into our minds. I think we should teach this to our children. I think the more we see our similarities in one another the more peaceful our world will be.

Just last week I blogged about a tragedy that happened to one of our “closer relative s”. I think a lot of us felt strongly about the issue raised then because we innately feel that this happened to family. This is a fair reaction.

We must treat our “closer family” like the closer family that we are. But we must also not lose sight of our broader family. The entire world is family, because “we are all related”.

Tales From 30,000 Feet

rabbifink — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 21:15:39 +0000

Yesterday I flew cross country. Our route: LAX —> JFK.

Something profound happened aboard that aircraft and that is the point behind this post.

While cruising at 30,000 feet we witnessed an amazing sight.

Our son Rami, saw it first. Looking out the window he saw giant flashes of white. The flashes were streaking across the evening sky. As we were above the clouds, the flashes were reflected off the clouds making for quite a light show.

We were witnessing a lightning storm. At 30,000 feet the lightning is pure. Unblocked by trees and buildings, we were able to watch the lightning for a little while and it was truly spectacular. We had front row seats to an inspiring show of natural beauty.

I looked around and found a video that depicts a similar “show” to what we were treated to. I think ours was even better.

<a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=nZeZRCuimKU">http://youtube.com/watch?v=nZeZRCuimKU</a>

As an observant Jew, I believe these natural beauties are placed into our natural world by God. It is inspiring to see such beauty up close. Observing such spectacular natural wonders reaffirms my belief in an all-powerful and good God.

As I was contemplating this very idea, I remembered something I heard from my Rebbe.

It is one thing to see Godliness in natural beauty. The rational behind this is that God placed the tools in the universe that can manifest as a spectacular lightning storm or grandiose waterfall or a Grand Canyon or a sparkling shooting star. Additionally, every moment of the universe’s existence is willed by God so it is easy to “give God the credit” for natural beauty.

I am a huge fan of the “Planet Earth” series for this reason. When we see the natural beauty that exists in our world we are inspired.

My Rebbe says that it is even more incredible when we see Godliness in Man’s accomplishments. If we can walk past a skyscraper or beautiful display of artwork and see Godliness that is even more impressive.

Meaning, the fact that man has the ability to do such impressive things can also be attributed to God. It was God who gave Man the ability to produce such amazing results.

Therefore, when we see a “man made” creation and we can be inspired to see Godliness we are on a higher level of understanding and reality than when we see Godliness in natural beauty.

As this thought crossed my mind I realized how remarkable it is to fly in an airplane. A capsule the size of a skyscraper hurtling through the air at high speeds, transporting hundreds of people, on a system that can bring people to an incredible amount of different destinations.

Yes, we do have pet peeves about flying (more on that another time) but that should not take away from our appreciation for the advanced technology and innovation necessary for airplane travel.

As I was seeing a natural phenomena that blew my mind I was sitting in an airplane whose technology blows my mind as well.

That was an eye opening trip.

Outreach on the Beach 6/14/09

rabbifink — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 17:27:00 +0000

Sunday was the launch of a new initiative at Pacific Jewish Center.

First, some matters of introduction.

We are blessed with an incredible location for our Shul.

Our Shul is on the Venice Beach Boardwalk. With thousands of tourists and locals walking along the boardwalk every week, it is a great spot to meet and greet Jewish people from all over the world.

The Shul is on such a perfect spot for meeting new people it would almost be criminal not to be there on Sundays!

This Sunday we began our “Outreach on the Beach” initiative. I was there for most of the afternoon and we had a chance to meet many interesting folks from Los Angeles and around the world.

I met an Iranian Jewish couple. We spoke for a little while and they confirmed what I wrote about last week related to the treatment of Mid-Eastern Jews outside of Israel.

I also met a South African Jew whose son had his Bar Mitzva at our Shul 20 years ago.

Then I met a Hollywood stunt man who wants his son to have his Bar Mitzva and maybe even in our Shul.

Later I met a wonderful woman whose son lives in Venice and is a very well known attorney.

Towards the end of the afternoon I met two friends who were originally from Holland. One now lives in Los Angeles and the other is still living just outside Amsterdam.

This was just a sample of some of the great people we met and I have included some photos that we took at the bottom of this post.

It was a lot of fun and I hope that over the summer we will meet many more Jewish people from around the world.

Click the arrow buttons to navigate the short slide show.

Take A Smile Break | Another Cute Baby Post

rabbifink — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:26:50 +0000

After yesterdays disturbing news and my sobering blog post about mid-eastern Jewry I thought something lighter would be appropriate for today.

Our son Ozzie, will be 7 months old in a couple of weeks.

There is nothing quite like the experience of observing a baby grow. They are completely helpless when they are born and they gain mobility, instinct and personality before your very eyes.

A few weeks ago, Ozzie learned how to play a game with us.

That was quite a milestone. Playful interaction is something all parents look forward too. After months of staring your baby in the eye and the baby staring back it is quite the moment when the baby responds in kind.

Over the past few weeks Ozzie has been learning how to crawl and play by himself. This is another exciting milestone as a baby gains the skill of mobility and independence.

It is a joy to watch and I want to share his cuteness with you.

<a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=bo5mT7p140A&feature">http://youtube.com/watch?v=bo5mT7p140A&feature</a>

In light of recent tragedy, I hope this can bring a smile to your face.

I Could Not Help Myself

rabbifink — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 08:06:51 +0000

I just had to post this video.

While I was at school today, my 5 month old son, Ozzie, learned a new trick.

It is so incredible seeing our baby grow more and more each day. It seems like just a short while ago he was unable to interact with us and now he is playing games with his mommy.

Reminds me that we too should be growing each day…

My ever resourceful wife captured it on video. I am so grateful to her (and to whoever thought it would be a good idea to add video recording to my Canon point and shoot digicam). You have got to see this video!

<a href="http://youtube.com/watch?v=VEvUhHnEuYA">http://youtube.com/watch?v=VEvUhHnEuYA</a>

Plus, my wife even called me when the Ozman was performing so I could hear it over the phone!

That was the highlight of my day.

A Nation's Challenge and "Seabiscuits"

rabbifink — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:07:21 +0000

Today was closing day at Santa Anita Park. That means the season of horse racing has come to a close at Santa Anita Park and I was there.

Today, we took the boys to see the ponies run.

Previously, we lived in Baltimore MD, home of The Preakness at Pimlico Race Track. The Preakness is one leg in the Triple Crown. In fact we lived right around the corner from Pimlico and we always thought about going to the track for a day at the races. For some reason, we never actually made the 2 minute trip to Pimlico and never saw a race in person.

Today we drove 35 minutes to Santa Anita Park and we experienced our first day at the races. It was amazing. I learned a lot about a lot of things.

First of all, I saw a dad with his 3 sons, ranging from the ages of 9-14. Incredibly, he was teaching them how to bet on the races.Is this considered normal? Are pre-teens supposed to be betting on horse races? Needless to say, this was disturbing to me.

Second, I have known about Santa Anita for some time now. One of the most poignant films that I have ever seen is Seabiscuit. The story is simply about a horse, its owner, trainer and jockey. The spirits of these characters has been broken. The horse wins race after unlikely race lifting the spirits of its team and the ultimately the entire nation. As the United States tries to extricate itself from the Great Depression the horse represents their struggle. The story is powerful, the cinematography is beautiful and the point is made subtly.

A key part of the film occurs at Santa Anita Park. Santa Anita has a statue of Seabiscuit as well as a small Seabiscuit museum. So, ever since seeing the film I have wanted to visit Santa Anita. Today I saw Santa Anita.

It is beautiful in Pasadena and Santa Anita did not disappoint in that regard. The races were not terribly exciting, especially because I did not place any bets. What I loved was the pageantry. The trumpets, men in suits, shiny jockey uniforms and play-by-play in the “Queens’s English” all made the atmosphere unique.

Due to the Seabiscuit connection, I remembered the film and its message. The Nation was recovering in 1937 and a National sports hero sparked the hearts of the people. It happened again in history in 1980. The “Miracle in Ice” captured the imagination of the country as a ragged group of young men defeated the seasoned, clinical, (evil) USSR Soviet National Hockey Team in the 1980 Winter Olympics Medal Round. The surprising victory launched (you must watch that clip) Al Michaels‘s career and inspired a nation to rebound from a tough decade (the 70′s).

Then I read about the Hungarian Seabiscuit in the NY Times. In Hungary, the country is recovering from economic turmoil and they’ve given their hearts to a horse. An undefeated horse that is inspiring their nation.

We need a mascot. America is ready to recover, to rebuild, to rethink its priorities (as I have mentioned previously), I think we just need something inspiring to get the juices flowing.

Will we need to wait for the 2010 Winter Games? Will America’s National Pastime provide a true hero?

All of this, from a short outing at Santa Anita Park…

The Wave

rabbifink — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 16:06:51 +0000

Yesterday we took the boys to Adventure City. We had a great time. The rides are perfect for a 5 year old like Rami and he was able to hop onto any ride he wanted with no wait. Some of the rides there are pretty intense and yet Rami was undeterred. I am blogging today because of two women. The first of those women is pictured below waving excitedly. We will get to the second woman shortly.

I am certain that you have noticed that all amusement / theme parks must have a train which goes around the park. This is an unwritten rule in the theme park code which if not adhered to can have dire consequences for the park. Towards the end of our stay at Adventure City we decide to board the train. I love the theme park train stations. They have all the “destinations” with arrows showing the direction you must travel to reach those destination and the mileage to each location as well.

The next best part of the station is the nostalgic luggage. They have the same thing at Ellis Island so I guess this is really important!

Finally the train arrives. The conductor is an old man with a hat that is striped blue and white. We got on the train and began our journey. As we made or way around the vast expanses of Adventure City Tova (my wife) – the second woman in the story, made such a great observation. Whenever the train passes someone that person feels this uncontrollable urge to wave at the train and its passengers. Why do they do this? These same people don’t wave when we walk by them. We would think they were crazy if they just waved excitedly every time someone passed them by. Imagine if the old lady on top had to wave to everybody she saw all day. She would go bonkers! Why do they wave when we pass them by train? This got me thinking – where does waving come from? Who invented it? Is waving to say hello universal? When did it begin? I did some research on Wikipedia and around the web but found nothing substantive. So I am looking for answers. In general – what is this waving all about? Origins? Where is it used? Why this gesture?

As important as all this is there is a more important issue here. What is the reason people feel compelled to wave at the train passengers? I know there must be something to it. The sign at the Adventure City train station even has safety rules for waving. But the sign does not explain WHY I should wave as the train goes by…

I can’t help but think that there is something profound and important connected with all this wave talk – I just can’t put my finger on it yet…

So I am looking for ideas from you!