A guest post by Rabbi Aaron Fink (my father), Dean of Ateres Bais Yaakov in Monsey NY. Part of a weekly Dvar Torah (Torah “Thought”) series.
Parshas Achrei Mos – Kedoshim
V’lo Sissa Alav Cheit
Parshios Achrei Mos and Kedoshim are chock full of mitzvos bein adam l’chaveiro and bein adam l’Makom. So many opportunities for making Hakadosh Baruch Hu proud leap off the pages of these parshiyos providing us the opportunity to earn Olmei Olamim. One of the most formidable opportunities to earn our eternal reweard is the mitzvah of tochacha. This command is often misunderstood, yet at the same time it is a vital responsibility of each and every member of Klal Yisrael. Let us explore it further.
The pasuk teaches hocheach tocheach es amisecha, that we are supposed to offer rebuke, or criticism, to our fellow Jew. The Rambam in Hilchos De’os 6:7 explains the mitzvah as follows, ha’roeh chaveiro sh’chatah o’sheholoch b’derech lo tova mitzvah l’hachzeiro l’mutav u’lhodeahu shu choteh al atzmo b’maasav haraim shenemar hocheach tocheach es amisehca. According to the Rambam, when one sees his friend err, or slide down a slippery slope of destructive behavior, the mitzvah is l’hachzerio l’mutav, to help him return to goodness. Interestingly, the mitzvah is not to shout and yell criticisms, angry words or loud arguments, rather, the mitzvah is to help the individual accomplish a turn-around. It is not the rebuke that is important it is the result! As such, sometimes it is better to keep quiet, as the Gemara in Yevamos teaches, “words that can be accepted should be said and words which will be rejected should be left unsaid.”
Reb Elya Lopian in Lev Eliyahu expands this further by explaining that before one can give tochacha he must fully love the person he is being mocheach. Without the sense of ahava for the one being criticized, the tochacha will not be effective. As such, being a mocheach is a high-stakes responsibility. To be effective, one must first rid their heart of any animus towards the individual whose behavior needs redirection. Moreover, the mocheach has to understand what is motivating the individual to err and what might motivate him to change. This way he can successfully explain to the wayward individual why he is hurting himself through the pursuit of the path he is taking.
With such a requirements for love, understanding and motivation inherent in the mitzvah of tochacha, being a mocheach requires much thought and advance planning. One must consider which approach will work what words to use and what not to say. The serious mochiach must consider which actions will enable the object of his tochacha to be machzir l’mutav. As such tochacha is not just a mitzvah, it is an art form. Just like the painter draws lines and lays foundations of color in the initial stages of his drawing, so too, to create a masterpiece on the canvas of tochacha requires patience, time and a plan.
Mifarshei hamikrah point out that the mitzvah of tochacha is followed be the phrase v’lo sisa eilav cheit. Most mepharshim explain this to mean that we should not judge or embarrass a person who has sinned. However, master mochechim understand the pasuk differently. There is a command for us to give tochacha and to do it in the right way. V’lo sisa eilav cheit is to remind us to do our homework to love, understand and prepare a proper tochacha. A rebuke given wrongly will only reinforce the sin and make it that much harder to undo. Thus we are admonished to give tochacha, with the double lashon of hocheach-tocheach telling us to do it properly, v’lo sisa eilav cheit – and you will not foster further sin, for by offering improper tochacha we risk reinforcing the aveira even further!
Yes, getting it right requires a plan and patience and being machzir a chotei limutav is worth of all of that effort.
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