I just can’t kick this parenting thing. Every post I feel like writing is connected with parenting.
The last time this happened I was hooked on clothes. Those posts are all linked here, here, here, here, here and here. I recommend checking those out.
One of the most popular articles on NYTimes.com this week is an Op-Ed about women’s happiness.
Cleverly titled “Blue is the New Black“, the article’s basic premise is that women having more opportunities and doing more does not contribute to their happiness.
Some of the money quotes:
“Women around the world are in a funk”
“Though women begin their lives more fulfilled than men, as they age, they gradually become less happy”
“Choice is inherently stressful”
I have a bit of an issue with “Happiness Surveys” in general, especially across time and space. We all have different definitions of happiness and I find it hard to believe that there is a universal definition that can be compared across 40 years of women.
What disturbed me even more was this quote:
Across the happiness data, the one thing in life that will make you less happy is having children. It’s true whether you’re wealthy or poor, if you have kids late or kids early. Yet I know very few people who would tell me they wish they hadn’t had kids or who would tell me they feel their kids were the destroyer of their happiness.
Children are a lot of work. Children take up a lot of time, a lot of effort and a lot of money. But I cannot fathom how people can have such a negative outlook on the effect of children on their lives.
Everyone knows that when one has no children they have more free time. Is free time the key ingredient to happiness in the minds of these people? What is it about children that can guarantee these people will be less happy?
Love is a great feeling. Loving one’s children must add good feelings to one’s life. More good feelings should help one feel more happiness. I find it shocking that these parents claim not to find more happiness in their lives.
Further, is happiness something that depends on external factors at all?
To me, happiness is a state of mind that exists irrespective of outside stimuli.
Even if someone is oppressed they can be happy. Even during trying times like tragedy or even Holocaust one can be happy.
Did women’s roles change in response to happiness? I think they changed in deference to fairness. In which case the entire article is meaningless. The happiness of women or anyone else was never the issue.
Ms. Dowd makes the issue “happiness” and then says “it didn’t work”. Color me confused. Blue or black…
Related posts:
I’d like to state for the record that I have loads of free time and am not overly happy
LOL. You are funny Menachem…
BTW for your “URL” a lot of people use their twitter page – so for you it would be http://twitter.com/menudo_man.
sounds awesome!
there ya go!
I also have been thinking about the article all week (what I read was an oped column by Maureen Dowd).
I agree with you that it depends on your definition of happiness. Children not only take away free time, they add stress. (For example, even when I have “free” time, I am always thinking about my kids and their needs. And it’s very rare that I have any free time).
But real happiness probably depends on lasting relationships with other people, and hopefully we who have children will enjoy these relationships for a long time.
One more thing: I have a 5 year old who’s mostly nonverbal. Every time he learns a new sound or a new word, I am filled with real happiness. If he didn’t have a speech problem, I wouldn’t have this opportunity for happiness. Would my life overall be happier if he never had special needs? Who can know these things?
I don’t mean that happiness only depends on relationships with other people. That is just one example of something that can lead to real happiness.
Maureen Dowd’s article made me a little angry, but it did spark a lot of good discussion about happiness. I really like your point about happiness v. fairness. I agree- what exactly is the point of measuring happiness?
Beverly Sills once said, “A happy woman is one who has no cares at all; a cheerful woman is one who has cares but doesn’t let them get her down.”
I wrote about my response to the editorial at Jewesses with Attitude if you want to check it out. http://jwablog.jwa.org/unhappiness
I know I’m late to this post, but the argument that children make people unhappy – or the opposite (having no children makes one happier) seems like a classic post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy to me. Or in other words, the studies show a correlation between happiness and lack of children without demonstrating causation. Granted, I haven’t gone to look up the originals and evaluate the statistical rigour. But it is easy to imagine that perhaps there is something else about people who have no children that makes them happier that is not being captured by the data.
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