Parenting has been on my mind lately.
Earlier today I posted about Kim Clijsters and the sacrifices of working mothers.
It must be the impending Rosh Hashana that is influencing these thoughts of parents and children.
Parenting is tough job. There are no vacations. There is no financial remuneration. It is oftentimes thankless.
Also we are so clueless as to how to parent. Babies don’t come with a handy manual or set of instructions. The questions all parents have are endless.
To punish or not? When to compliment? To be honest with our children about their shortcomings? I always think about Simon Cowell asking some terrible “singer” if anyone ever told them that they are just not talented. And then they cut to that parents telling their kid how great they are. No one wants to be that parent.
There was a very popular article in the NY Times about parenting this week. The article explains, based on a study by 2 Israeli researchers, that conditional love can be just as harmful to children as punishment. Meaning, when a parent only doles out love for their child when the child performs as the parent expects the affect on the child is the same as punishing the child when the parent disapproves of the child’s behavior. The child may accomplish more, but will ultimately feel resentment, anxiety and feel unhappy.
The proper way to love one’s children is unconditionally.
Love is not a tool that we wield to bend the child into submission. Every child needs the love of its parents. Always.
This is a message we can take into Rosh Hashana. It is true that it is a day of judgment and that can give us reason to pause and be fearful of our verdict. There is a Judge and there is judgment.
We have one saving grace. The Judge is our Father.
The relationship that we have with God is the same as the relationship that a parent has with a child. Unconditional love.
When it comes to our moment of judgment in the heavenly court we know that we are unconditionally loved by our Father in Heaven no matter how far we may strayed from His path. Just remember that our Father is waiting for us with a warm embrace.
Children that feel unconditionally loved have less problems feeling accepted later in life. Unconditional love is the greatest gift a parent can provide for their children. Sometimes it may seem hard when children frustrate us.
A great video has been circling the internet the last couple of days.
The video really illustrates what I have been saying in this post. Even when our children frustrate us, we must love them unconditionally. Even if we “frustrate” God, He has a warm embrace for us. He is our father.
The father in this video looks like he is about to get frustrated with his daughter. Then he embraces her.
Perfect imagery for this post. Enjoy.
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