Comments on: I Am So Disturbed http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/ The Rabbi on the Beach at the Shul on the Beach Sat, 11 Feb 2012 20:11:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: TheRedHeaded http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-518 TheRedHeaded Tue, 21 Sep 2010 02:48:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-518 BTS has good company: Unfortunate, but true. I have run into this kind of behavior-and had it directed at me. People agressively critize, or are suprisingly rude, or behave badly and are religious/observant, also sometimes make a point of reminding me that they are as if it is a "get out of jail free card". It starts to feel like some religious/observant people feel that people who are not religious/observant are also not really people. I think it is an important dialogue to open. Thanks for that. BTS has good company:

Unfortunate, but true. I have run into this kind of behavior-and had it directed at me. People agressively critize, or are suprisingly rude, or behave badly and are religious/observant, also sometimes make a point of reminding me that they are as if it is a “get out of jail free card”.

It starts to feel like some religious/observant people feel that people who are not religious/observant are also not really people.

I think it is an important dialogue to open. Thanks for that.

]]> By: sharona http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-517 sharona Sun, 05 Jul 2009 06:45:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-517 I agree, we should always be aware and be careful. We need to go back and re-learn what Pirkei Avos and Messilas Yesharim says about working on having good middos. I also agree that sometimes people just notice the negative behaviors from others and not the positive things like the chesed some do. In general though, we should work on ourselves continuously, and by doing so we'll make a kiddush Hashem I agree, we should always be aware and be careful. We need to go back and re-learn what Pirkei Avos and Messilas Yesharim says about working on having good middos.

I also agree that sometimes people just notice the negative behaviors from others and not the positive things like the chesed some do.

In general though, we should work on ourselves continuously, and by doing so we’ll make a kiddush Hashem

]]> By: rabbifink http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-487 rabbifink Fri, 03 Jul 2009 19:08:41 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-487 Yes Leslie, They are and that is part of why I love my job so much. Plus, Los Angeles is MUCH better in general. Yes Leslie,

They are and that is part of why I love my job so much.

Plus, Los Angeles is MUCH better in general.

]]> By: leslie friedman http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-504 leslie friedman Fri, 03 Jul 2009 18:33:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-504 Are Pacific Jewish Center people an anomaly? Across the board everyone there has been so kind and considerate, at least in my experience. Are Pacific Jewish Center people an anomaly? Across the board everyone there has been so kind and considerate, at least in my experience.

]]> By: rabbifink http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-516 rabbifink Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:35:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-516 I thank you for your comment. The only Lashon Hara here is regarding those who treat Binyamin like dirt. I said he is not "know as the most cordial guy" and that is due to the reputation that <em>others</em> give him. As is clear from my experience, merely talking to him like a human being opened up a completely different person and I happen to think he is a special guy and <strong><em>will be using him again without question</em></strong>. I thank you for your comment.

The only Lashon Hara here is regarding those who treat Binyamin like dirt. I said he is not “know as the most cordial guy” and that is due to the reputation that others give him. As is clear from my experience, merely talking to him like a human being opened up a completely different person and I happen to think he is a special guy and will be using him again without question.

]]> By: Ahuva http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-515 Ahuva Sat, 27 Jun 2009 21:38:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-515 While I think you make some very important points, I wonder if it's not loshon hora to write the mover's name, especially followed by the description "not the most cordial guy". Personally, if I were now looking for a mover in Monsey, I would probably push BTS to the bottom of the list. While I think you make some very important points, I wonder if it’s not loshon hora to write the mover’s name, especially followed by the description “not the most cordial guy”. Personally, if I were now looking for a mover in Monsey, I would probably push BTS to the bottom of the list.

]]> By: rabbifink http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-514 rabbifink Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:10:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-514 And yes LA is soooooo different. Post upcoming about that... And yes LA is soooooo different.

Post upcoming about that…

]]> By: rabbifink http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-497 rabbifink Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:09:33 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-497 I see... I think even cynical people should not have grounds to think "we" are rude! I see…

I think even cynical people should not have grounds to think “we” are rude!

]]> By: Tzvi Haber http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-512 Tzvi Haber Fri, 26 Jun 2009 21:04:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-512 I wasn't saying not to be nice to him, that was where I wholeheartedly agree with you. And I come across this sort of thing all the time living "in-town" and hate it passionately. Aren't I glad I'm moving to LA :) My point was in terms of BTS's credibility - he may have a negative and bitter outlook on everything and thus you can't take him at his word when he says people are rude. The problem is a real one and I'm glad you addressed it. I wasn’t saying not to be nice to him, that was where I wholeheartedly agree with you. And I come across this sort of thing all the time living “in-town” and hate it passionately. Aren’t I glad I’m moving to LA :) My point was in terms of BTS’s credibility – he may have a negative and bitter outlook on everything and thus you can’t take him at his word when he says people are rude.
The problem is a real one and I’m glad you addressed it.

]]> By: klc http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-511 klc Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:45:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-511 Traffic rudeness is an important one to work on, especially cutting off busses which have many more people on them than your car. Teaching my son to drive really brought that one home to me, that traffic courtesy is safer and often actually faster, even if they can't see that you are a frum Jew. Traffic rudeness is an important one to work on, especially cutting off busses which have many more people on them than your car. Teaching my son to drive really brought that one home to me, that traffic courtesy is safer and often actually faster, even if they can’t see that you are a frum Jew.

]]> By: Mark http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-510 Mark Fri, 26 Jun 2009 15:39:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-510 Too much kosher, not enough yosher. Too much kosher, not enough yosher.

]]> By: rabbifink http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-509 rabbifink Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:46:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-509 First of all I completely disagree with you. It is exactly those types of people that we tend to ignore, talk rudely towards, insult and disparage. There is no excuse for not acting civilly, EVEN (especially maybe) in a potentially hostile situation. Second, the post is misleading and I am changing it, he is not a jerk or thief. He is merely not the most personable guy. That is no reason to treat him like trash. Period. First of all I completely disagree with you.

It is exactly those types of people that we tend to ignore, talk rudely towards, insult and disparage.

There is no excuse for not acting civilly, EVEN (especially maybe) in a potentially hostile situation.

Second, the post is misleading and I am changing it, he is not a jerk or thief. He is merely not the most personable guy. That is no reason to treat him like trash. Period.

]]> By: Tzvi Haber http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-508 Tzvi Haber Fri, 26 Jun 2009 14:30:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-508 Although I wholeheartedly agree with you, someone who you describe as "known as a not so cordial guy" and has " had his share of run-ins with customers" kind of loses his credibility when it comes to describing how others are less than courteous to him. Although I wholeheartedly agree with you, someone who you describe as “known as a not so cordial guy” and has ” had his share of run-ins with customers” kind of loses his credibility when it comes to describing how others are less than courteous to him.

]]> By: Prof K http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-507 Prof K Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:21:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-507 Every time I hear that I'm "spoiling" my household help by treating her like a human being, and the comments come often, I see red. Thanks for pointing out that mentchlichkeit is also a necessary part of being frum. Every time I hear that I’m “spoiling” my household help by treating her like a human being, and the comments come often, I see red. Thanks for pointing out that mentchlichkeit is also a necessary part of being frum.

]]> By: rabbifink http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-506 rabbifink Fri, 26 Jun 2009 04:03:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-506 Umm, no. But you knew that - right? Umm, no.

But you knew that – right?

]]> By: E. F. Shaar http://finkorswim.com/2009/06/25/i-am-so-disturbed/#comment-505 E. F. Shaar Fri, 26 Jun 2009 03:58:00 +0000 http://rabbifink.wordpress.com/?p=802#comment-505 Yashir Koach for posting this, Rabbi Fink! PS: There's heter for pushy behavior at Kiddush, though, right? Yashir Koach for posting this, Rabbi Fink!

PS: There’s heter for pushy behavior at Kiddush, though, right?

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